Well tomorrow I will see the guy i wrote this post about. I feel that I've done a good job of keeping it neutral but I feel like I will be mad when i see him tomorrow and i don't want that. But I feel like even though I have been neutral towards him he still feels like "he got me", meaning, he knows all he has to do is smile a certain way or ask me out or something and i will swoon... I feel this way because I used to think the same things towards guys. And i want him to know there is absolutely no way I will ever swoon for him no matter what he says or does ( now that I know more of his character).
But, I'm more so venting. There's nothing i can do about it at this moment, so I'm just going to let it go and see what happens tomorrow.
Last Edit: Nov 26, 2011 21:52:52 GMT -8 by lacypooh
I gave my last gf an engagement ring thinking this would convince her i am the real deal. After a year and a half relationship (not all smooth sailing), I was ready for marriage... finally... in the end she stopped contacting me for no apparent reason except for what you all tell me was for someone else. Would she be called am "manizer'? She did this sort of thing in her marriage and every relationship she ever had. I was fooling myself that I was different and I was going to prove it to her with my actions. Like you Wingz, I wanted it to work, but still got hurt. Today I'm learning I need to use my adult brain and not get involved with unavailable women when my childlike emotions say yes I gotta go there. In the end it's my fault for making emotional decisions when I make red flags green. No one wants to be used. Men or women. There are many sick people out in the world, even in church. I look at my time with my POA as a learning experience and realize she has the illness of an ambivalence avoidant. This program gives me the tools. I just have to use them.
Jazz. You are the real deal .... an engagement ring will never seal that. I have read all your post and it looks like this woman almost took you out of circulation. Where are you standing with her today ? Are you allowing NC to take it course ? It was disturbing to read how much pain and devastation she caused you .... yet how much pain and devastation you caused for others. Sickness breaths on its own . Once you see that the same sick dance you do in a name of love over and over creates nothing but personal harm to others ..... you will stop dancing. Good luck to you Jazz.
Today, church was good the message touched me, I didn't even see the guy and I am so glad, My hp really helped out there. I thought that I would be looking for him, just to see how I would react. But that didn't happen either. This has been some what of an emotional weekend. I couldn't sleep last night and so I went through some of my old online journals, just from last year this time and I was sooooo delusional about so many things, so today I am just grateful for growth.
I am going to go on to step 6 today. I didn't think it would take a year to get through steps 1-5, but, I've also been doing some IC work and self esteem building and what I'm learning is that it does take TIME.
Last Edit: Nov 27, 2011 10:27:08 GMT -8 by lacypooh