Post by Butterflygirl on Aug 15, 2008 9:40:59 GMT -8
I believe that all childhood abuse must be revealed and shared with an "enlightened witness." See The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller or my book The Art of Changing.
An enlightened witness is usually a therapist because she has been trained not to mirror anything that will shame you. She is taught to be non-judgmental and sympathetic. She may also give you wise feedback.
I initially advised one of the members of this board to share the details of her story. John Bradshaw talks a lot about the therapeutic value of the "details" as he puts it. I can see now that it was too traumatic for her to be exposed that way on a public forum. She risked getting feedback (not from enlightened witnesses) but from naive people who don't know how to say the right thing.
Fortunately, I am very proud of how everyone responded to her. This is a great board. However, I have been on other boards that I am not confident would have given her the proper support. It only takes one sharp edged narcissist to bring down the whole group.
Childhood trauma is a delicate thing when it comes to revelations. For now I am going to leave this forum about childhood abuse on the board, but I will be keeping an eye on it.
I welcome everyone's thoughts on this matter. There is a middle ground here. We can own the abuse without exposing ourselves to people who might not have the skills to handle the information.
I think that writing it all out in detail can be very healing. then choosing to share it or not is healing. I think this is probably different with everyone. For myself, I noticed that I felt initially horrid,after sharing my details. I mean it was a few hours of gruesome trauma/drama with that committee in my head (you know those chattering voices we all hear talking - you shoulnd't have, what were you thinking, 'but I'm trying to get better....those voices) and then oddly more at peace with myself and stronger a few days later. I mean I guess after telling I was awaiting the end that I was told would be eventual when I was 5. I was told don't tell or .... the or...didn't happen. I chose to share with some and then I chose to not share any further. I chose....about how and how long and to some degree with whom... I chose regarding an area of life where I once had no choice and no voice. I told on the adults for the child in me that couldn't ever do that. In my case, I am more OK now than before. I think once was enough for me. If you choose to share a detailed account, it may be most helpful just to share it with yourself, ie write it out. and then consider very carefully if you choose share and who with, I was fortunate, the response to my sharing was caring and healing.
not for the faint of heart, but neither is life.
Last Edit: Aug 16, 2008 23:35:32 GMT -8 by bluebird
Im great with putting things into words.But ive never owned my pain.
When I detail what happened to me,its as if Im talking about someone elses life.Like im telling a story.
Im in an addictive relationship with a friend and now it all makes sense. I opened myself up to an unenlightened witness.A friend I thought would take what I told her and keep it safe.Someone I thought would treat what I gave her as precious.That wasnt the case,she added to my misery.Maybe she did so unintentionally.
Im scared all over again,Ive relived my abuse while Ive been friend with her and I cant let go of trying to fix her into what I need her to be.Im addicted to the abuse.
Maybe...........a good start would be to read the books mentioned above by Susan Peabody. The issue is one of mine and it has dictated my life for many years...........not all........many. It was a great relief to work thru it. I wrote and wrote and wrote...........then when it was all out, I burned the books so no one could use it against me. Some people are like that..........they will hurt you any way they can just because they can. Anyway, you could try the books and the journals if you can't see a therapist right now.