I was violently beaten by parents and brother. My uncle used to insert his fingers into my vagina My dad used to stare at my body and when drunk he used to tear off my clothes. I had developed promiscuous behaviour because of this but never slept with other guys only thinking of them, having one sided crush I am love, attention, intimacy addict
I am SO sorry this happened to you. It is beyond reprehensible to use another person for such depraved purposes. You are a child of God, and should be treated with love and respect. I do not know if there is a way you can walk away permanently from these people who have no regard for others, but I would strongly recommend it.
You are a child of God, who wants only the best for your heart, mind, body and soul.
I was diagnosed with PTSD in my early twenties when I went voluntarily to a psychiatric hospital for suicidal thoughts and actions.
You are not alone. I used to see my therapist in the morning which was a "safe" time for me to take the bus. One day he changed the appointment to after dark. By the time I got there I was hysterical and he had to drive me home.
It is progress not perfection with PTSD. I am afraid of strangers. I am afraid of the dark. Everything startles me including someone coughing. I am terrified of getting lost and check out places during the day when I have to speak at night. My husband tells me I have nightmares every night. Home invasions. Rape. Abandonment. Disfigured babies. Lost babies. I hate my PTSD. It is such a handicap, but there is no real cure, just relief now and then. I pray that the PTSD, which is like going back in time, will turn into the simple memories that others have. As I said, you are not alone.
I was molested by my brother at the age of 11 or 12. I would carry that pain throughout my life by burying it and treating myself like garbage. It would destroy any potential marriage. I fluctuate between total trust and distrust of men and women. The total trusting can cause me to ruin my life by allowing those who seek to destroy me into my life. I severely lacked good healthy boundaries with others. Recovery can be an ebb and flow process with tons of grieving and pain. The grieving can be gut wrenching because we often think of others' welfare before we think of our own, so we come to realize that we didn't cherish our own lives. You can't water from an empty well without destroying the walls of the well.
Post by ithoughtilovedhim on Oct 14, 2018 10:40:36 GMT -8
It was the summer of 1972. Just before bed, my older brother comes to the doorway of our bedroom to get my older sister, who didn’t want to go with him. I, the gullible one, (9 years old at the time), volunteer. We go into the living room and thus begins a summer of oral sex with him because I can’t say no to him. I turn 10 in September and start 5th grade. We had only recently moved to Oklahoma, I was fat, and was being bullied at school, had no friends, I felt so alone.
Off topic: I recently bought a CD and the singer (oldies style) said just before he sang a favorite song of min: Where were you in 1972? I’ve listened to that CD once because of this! maybe you won’t understand but because of trauma, dysfunctional family my POA is David Cassidy (yeah dead) and He was the one whose CD I can’t listen to. Maybe, maybe a good thing. Funny thing after the sexual abuse (then and another time) I don’t have any memories of David Cassidy for years! Like from 1972-1974 none!