I was violently beaten by parents and brother. My uncle used to insert his fingers into my vagina My dad used to stare at my body and when drunk he used to tear off my clothes. I had developed promiscuous behaviour because of this but never slept with other guys only thinking of them, having one sided crush I am love, attention, intimacy addict
I am SO sorry this happened to you. It is beyond reprehensible to use another person for such depraved purposes. You are a child of God, and should be treated with love and respect. I do not know if there is a way you can walk away permanently from these people who have no regard for others, but I would strongly recommend it.
You are a child of God, who wants only the best for your heart, mind, body and soul.
I was diagnosed with PTSD in my early twenties when I went voluntarily to a psychiatric hospital for suicidal thoughts and actions.
You are not alone. I used to see my therapist in the morning which was a "safe" time for me to take the bus. One day he changed the appointment to after dark. By the time I got there I was hysterical and he had to drive me home.
It is progress not perfection with PTSD. I am afraid of strangers. I am afraid of the dark. Everything startles me including someone coughing. I am terrified of getting lost and check out places during the day when I have to speak at night. My husband tells me I have nightmares every night. Home invasions. Rape. Abandonment. Disfigured babies. Lost babies. I hate my PTSD. It is such a handicap, but there is no real cure, just relief now and then. I pray that the PTSD, which is like going back in time, will turn into the simple memories that others have. As I said, you are not alone.
Post by ithoughtilovedhim on Oct 14, 2018 10:40:36 GMT -8
It was the summer of 1972. Just before bed, my older brother comes to the doorway of our bedroom to get my older sister, who didn’t want to go with him. I, the gullible one, (9 years old at the time), volunteer. We go into the living room and thus begins a summer of oral sex with him because I can’t say no to him. I turn 10 in September and start 5th grade. We had only recently moved to Oklahoma, I was fat, and was being bullied at school, had no friends, I felt so alone.
Off topic: I recently bought a CD and the singer (oldies style) said just before he sang a favorite song of min: Where were you in 1972? I’ve listened to that CD once because of this! maybe you won’t understand but because of trauma, dysfunctional family my POA is David Cassidy (yeah dead) and He was the one whose CD I can’t listen to. Maybe, maybe a good thing. Funny thing after the sexual abuse (then and another time) I don’t have any memories of David Cassidy for years! Like from 1972-1974 none!
When I was about ~4 y. My grandad When drunk used to masturbate In front of us ( me And others ),I was curious anf felt sick In my stomach too, . I see dark figure starting through the window And cannot figure out who And why but it gives me chills.
Once I did Inner child meditation I started sobbing that my Dad incest me , So I confronted him , but He said I am Crazy , talking noncence ( I had vission When was In sexual act with ex) that He ( Dad ) was on too of me. When I shared that with my sister , She shares it with my aunt , She tried to get some sence into me saying that hed never fo it . He was not that type of person . So I started doubting myself And made amends for my accusations. From then I stop wanting meditate Or trust my visions / gut . I shared with councelour And She confirmed that is posible that it never happened it was my inagination... why Would i have emotional Discharge /smells/ sickness In my mouth ..
The aunties/ uncles And mother also shows highky sexual behaviour , incest And affairs . I am 39 And I In the rock bottom , dont trust ppl., myself , been In Slaa recovery done steps 2 Times, had relapse . Its not ending struggle , lost hope . Thinking Maybe masturbation also is addiction though it doesnt happen often . But affraid to put it on the bottom Line . To loose sexual Part of me , release ..
Well , If the incident of your childhood did not involve anything forcefully imposed on you, I feel you should not care about it. Many of us may sometimes may chance to see someone S H I T , piss or puke in our home , feel sick about it, but as we grow, we realize, what we thought of as a mountain, was no more than a mole hill. I hope the same comes true for you. If your therapist is not making you comfortable with your inner self, stop the therapy for a while. Hope you have a job to bring your attention to present and future prospects, avoid digging too much into the past of the family. It is dead past. cheers!
Last Edit: Jul 21, 2019 9:05:51 GMT -8 by akdkumar
Well , If the incident of your childhood did not involve anything forcefully imposed on you, I feel you should not care about it. Many of us may sometimes may chance to see someone S H I T , piss or puke in our home , feel sick about it, but as we grow, we realize, what we thought of as a mountain, was no more than a mole hill. I hope the same comes true for you.If your therapist is not making you comfortable with your inner self, stop the therapy for a while. Hope you have a job to bring your attention to present and future prospects, avoid digging too much into the past of the family. It is dead past. cheers!
Please try to avoid telling people not to care about their past. It is those who don't care that won't get better. The root of our love addiction is in our past. Even if you choose Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which does not address the past you cannot tell others how to feel. Our feelings are precious and important to us. Studies show that addicts do much better in transpersonal therapy which addresses underling issues like our past (child, teenager, adult). People who fail to this are subject to relapse. I am not telling you what to do. That is up to you. This is just advice. The past is never dead. It just goes underground for awhile and then comes back to haunt us. The major reason love addicts are drawn to romantic love is that it distracts them from the past for awhile. I say all this from personal experience and wish the best for you.
Last Edit: Jul 22, 2019 16:52:42 GMT -8 by Namaste
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it elsewhere." Buddha
Namaste: I know it is not possible to feel otherwise even if you want to, when your feelings are coming out from deep inside you. I was just putting in words how in my life how similar incidents impacted me.(for example, being abused by a male in my childhood)
There are different type of persons- feeling oriented and thinking oriented. I do not know which ~w~ belong to. I have appeared to myself to be a thinking oriented person. hence my reaction. For a feeling oriented person as you said, feelings are precious and important. It for ~w~ to choose what suits her- she can drop my approach if it does not help. There was no response from others to ~w~'s post: so I reacted. As regards Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, I am a layman in psychology and would need to research it(google it) to know what it is.
Last Edit: Jul 24, 2019 9:25:34 GMT -8 by akdkumar
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy* looks at the relationship between your thinking and your depression and anxiety. It was created for those who do not want to take medication. It is a scientific version of positive thinking (Dr. Peale)
Transpersonal Therapy explores your childhood with an "enlightened witness" (Alice Miller) as an alternative to medication.
I am a thinking person and I tried both. I practice both. Both helped. I need both. I am a work in progress.
Add to this Transactional Analysis by Eric Berne* and Thomas Harris.* This involves getting in touch with your inner child and inner teenager (ego states) and then learning to let your adult ego state make decisions for you. The child and the teenager are the love addict and the adult is your recovery ego state.
Feeling Good by Burns The Power of Positive Thinking by Peale The Drama of the Gifted Child by Miller The Games People Play by Berne I'm ok; you're ok by Harris.
Last Edit: Jul 24, 2019 16:26:19 GMT -8 by Namaste
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it elsewhere." Buddha