Post by gratefulheart on Dec 12, 2009 13:44:10 GMT -8
I have noticed as time has gone by that, i am very anxious during the day, just trying to be a "sober" person in the real world. i feel on edge and have a lot of anxiety.. like i need a fix.
It is something I am trying to work on but it's very difficult. i can be nervous and anxious doing the most mudane things.. as if it's going to break me and I feel like i'm always running, hurrying, my mind racing, throughout the day. my defenses are up, i'm irritable, i run dry easily. And its hard to feel normal when what has usually engaged me and calmed most of the time was ALL FANTASY.
I feel i've been so "sedated" in fantasy for so long that i've lost touch with the ability to stand alone, as an adult and face the music, face the pain.. without running away or fantasizing like a little child.
Has anyone else felt this way? If so, do you feel it's getting better as you heal?
I find that I transfer my addictive behavior to other things...which is ultimately not good, but my therapist isn't concerned because he says I'm not being destructive.
I do think I gain more and more peace everyday, though, (except when my POA pings me!). It's such a gradual process that it is hard to notice, but when I think back to a year ago...it was such a struggle...I was very "raw".
Hang in there! It will get better. Make sure you are doing nice, relaxing things for yourself too.
Wow, I just saw this and have to reply. You are describing me!! I catch myself holding my breath from anxiety over routine tasks and feeling like I have to do everything as fast as possible. I've had more than my share of auto accidents! and often feel my "active" mind is way too jumpy. Mentally and physically running away from conflict--real or imagined--and hiding started early in childhood and has continued all my life, but this decade the love of God is working on that fear. Somebody told me my "quickness" indicated ADHD so I went to a counselor for testing last year; he saw anxiety as my biggest issue and we are doing therapy for that. And little by little (baby steps) I am able to hold still, pay attention to what is really happening (not imagined) and respond with calm courage.
I stumbled on this forum supposedly by accident but I think not! It's wonderful to know that I am not the only one who feels this. And besatt is right-- taking time to relax is not wasteful but essential for your health. Take good care of yourself.