Post by sunflwrs4evr on Sept 5, 2011 21:16:45 GMT -8
This has been a very rough time....mom passed away 31 days ago....she was diagnosis july 2010 with bone marrow cancer...she lived with her bf for 12 yrs.....and he is only willing to give my sister and brother ..her clothes and her books.....she has computers and laptops...and her personal jewerly he gave her and he states that he paid for all of it...when i know d**n well he didnt...he wants her car ...which is in her name...he wants her checkbook...its in her name...my brother was supposed to go to city hall and get the paperwork for him to be administrator of her estate but hasnt done it yet...i talked with him today...and today him i wasnt going to let any of mom's stuff go to him....and that he needed to make a decision...as to whether he is going to follow thru with all of this....or i will take it on...and he said...he didnt want anything to do with it anymore...For me its not about the stuff anymore...he has disrespected my mother and my family....and now i will get a lawyer to take care of this....i needed to get the ball rolling.....God knows what he is doing with her stuff.....
Sadly, possession is 9/10th of the law. Not sure if you really have a case. If they lived together 12 years this too is hard to overcome because legally, they might have had a common law marriage OR simply co-habitation laws wll put him in legal possession of her things. That doesn't change the fact that what he is doing is MORALLY wrong. But you can never take someone to court on the basis of their morals. Sun, this maybe be one of those moments where you might need to let go of the possessions.
Post by sunflwrs4evr on Sept 6, 2011 17:05:23 GMT -8
thank u ftl....i appreciate it alot.... thank u LJ...we have talked to lawyers....and they tell us the bf hasnt have a leg to stand on....pa law states it....there is no common law marriage in pa....we were told that my mom wasnt married to him.....and everything goes to her next of kin...which is me ...sis and my bro.....hopefully it all works out...Like ftl stated....God is with me.....its all on his time...
Post by sunflwrs4evr on Oct 12, 2011 21:21:01 GMT -8
my brother got a certified letter from my mom's bf....and he can pick up her stuff on nov. 5th at 12 noon...if it rains than on nov 6th...and if we didnt come and pick it up he would donate it all to charity....and when he picks it all up he has to sign off on the list we sent him of all of my mothers stuff....he then proceeded to say that as my brothers verbal agreement of paying 1800.00 for his plot to be opened when he died.....First of all he is a piece of nuts..........how narcissitic is all of this....after i went for my walk i was so angry....how dare he even think he can control this.....i just told my brother to send it to the lawyer...i am not paying for his plot...and i dont want him buried next to my mother....can u believe that someone could be so............omg there isnt a word for this type of behavior.....i am appalled..my mother has died and this is what he is doing......God grant me the serenity the accept the things i cannot change the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference.............bless them change me...
So sorry you have to go thru that Sunflwrs. People act so weird when someone close dies. I had a hard time when my good BF died 20 yrs ago and a hard time when Dad and Mom died. The hard time is how naive people can get and unconcerned about others feelings. Same ole thing we deal with every day.......the selfish ones cause chaos. I'm glad you quoted the serenity prayer. I've had to a lot more lately while dealing with a selfish, spoiled brat boss. Take care.
Post by sunflwrs4evr on Nov 5, 2011 16:34:21 GMT -8
today we went to pick up mom's stuff....everything was outside on the side walk....they were mostly in trash bags...i am glad her boyfriend was not home....i brought my list....there were bags that had numbers on them and what was in the bags.....he gave us her clothes...coats...shoes...books....bills...magazines....apparently he made up his own list....it was very uncomfortable...they were taking pictures ....and i am glad its over.....for today....i just went thru all the bags....and nothing was there they were my mothers personal affects that i gave her and that i wanted....i am feeling very sad....and angry....and ready to call the lawyer monday morning.....
Post by Loving My Life on Nov 5, 2011 19:13:37 GMT -8
sun, im so sorry your having to deal with all of this still. people can really be unkind at a time like this. but i want you to know after i read everything your going through with this. i went and got a will about a month ago. so i dont have to deal with my bf's family. it was only $400. and that was money well spent. yes call a lawyer and see what he advises. b/c if there is not will, and he was only her bf, a judge will give the family, your mother's belonging. you go by the family tree, if no will, and if he was only her bf her belongings go to the family first. good luck to you. ;-)
One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)
Post by sunflwrs4evr on Nov 6, 2011 7:05:30 GMT -8
carolyn...thanks .....glad to hear that you went out and got a will.....and your next of kin will not go thru that stuff.....i emailed the lawyer last night.....and i highlighted the stuff he gave us versuses the stuff he didnt....I absolutely want a judge to decide....as i look in the bedroom where it took us (9 people) about an hour to load and unload....every thing is in trash bags with duck tape and a number of the item and whats in the bag.. so i am looking at the bags and the negative side of my thinking says....this piece of sh.....put all of her stuff in trash bags...and just threw them in there.....I am angry that he has treated my mother and my family in this way...I accept that he is totally a narcissistic as.....ho..le... how does one see this as loving the woman they were with.....and how does one see what that this shows the family their true colors of how that person treated their mother... Its very painful....its so sad to think...that someone could stoop that low.....its so beyond me....i just want to heal...so letting go of this anger is helping alot....i will again go thru the bags after taking pictures of them.and how we picked them up..and make them look like some care was taken to them....and then donating them to a womans' shelter...probably the one where my sister has been the pass couple of weeks...and letting this go...my brother said he is done...he is happy we got the car and what was given to us....i on the other hand...am not...There are so many personal items of my mother that i wanted to have and to hold....especially what we shared together....and can i be happy with those memories ...absolutely.....and if that is what my hp wants me to do for now or forever....i can and i will accept that....wow i feel so much lighter in my heart , soul and mind....thanks for listening Sun