I am so SCARED of being involved again with someone again, I am so SCARED of being obsess with a new guy.
That is why I came back with a "begging face" to my ex PoA, just to avoid the new emotions that I was starting to have to the new guy. I started to have fantasies with him, and all the same, that I just get SCARED, and I came back to my ex- PoA, to avoid the same cycle with this other guy. Because I do not want to start any cycle with anybody.
And guess what? the obsession with this new guy disappear, that is just unbelievable. This is my first clear view of my Torchbearer part.
So I am afraid of doing again NC, and get involved with someone. I need to have time for myself. But there is no other form.... I am going to start over my NC with my PoA, and transfer my torch to God, or to phantom love. OMG ... this make me feel so SCARED .
So I gave my life to God today so that he can guide me.