After a recent date, and a few kind posts from loving fellow lovely addicts, I have discovered that I haven't got a clue on what I want in a man..partner, evertually husband. I'm frikin' scared to death of intimacy, and am once again, having an emotional affair with my 30 some odd year old karate instructor.
I am afraid.
But, just for brainstorming sake, what would I want?
A Christian A man with good build who likes to work out Preferably a karate student or instructor A man who has a job, likes to do it and does it with good ethics A man who would want to be part of my children's lives A man who loves to laugh A man who likes baskeball games A man who loves dogs A man who practices the principles of 12 step programs.
As I write this, I am thinking, Yeah right Roz, is this reality?
Post by reinventmyself on Feb 21, 2011 10:37:24 GMT -8
I can imagine my ideal but realistic man. . But when I really dig down deep and imagine myself with him. . I mean really going there in my head and my entire being. . I get scared. As if I don't deserve him and he couldn't possibly stay interested in me. That I would be way too insecure and he would leave me for someone else.
That was a sad realization on my part. That took some difficult digging to get to this honest place.
Until I rectify this belief I am destined to keep picking men that are less - than. . The honest part of this is that I feel that the less-then's would feel so lucky to have someone like me that they'd treat me like a princess and never leave! <sigh>
Due to my poor choices my experiences have been toxic and messy. "so. .how's that workin' for ya?"