After breaking up last week, my poa calls me up last night. He was on his way to a meeting so we make tenative plans to talk later. 11pm rolls around, I don't hear from him. So I call, and he's at home sick watching TV. We talk, and he basically tells me how he has been using me to get outside of himself, and he's realized that I'm not there for his amusement, and he feels guilt for using me. Then takes another call while we're in the middle of discussing all this, he called me back, but still, I'm in total resentment right now. First at being told all those things, and once again, in an attempted friendship feeling like last priority, and rejected sexually, even though I know that is in my best interest because he doesn't want to be - nor can he-be emotionally available for anyone else. I just feel powerless, I feel like I once again was there for this guy, and once again my needs aren't being met. I'm not sure if I should talk to him about this or not? I just know I feel resentful, rejected, and angry.
There is no purpose in talking to him. Appreciate the fact that he was honest with you and told you exactly how he feels. Something very similar happened to me; my ex-POA came right out and said he was having a relationship with me because, "aw heck, it's something different!" Not - I have feelings towards you or you are special. Nope - I was a novelty. He used me. Fortunately, for me, as I see it now, he was honest. I turned around and did not look back.
As Susan said - "YOU DESERVE BETTER."
Move on, and be glad you know exactly where he stands.
It's amazing how of a hold this last poa had on me. I saw him on aim yesterday, and alll of those old feelings just started rushing back. He was idle on there most of the night, but my mind went into that loop it likes to go to, such as wondering what he's doing or who he's doing, or is he just home and not doing anything. CRAZY....I have one foot out of this so my rational mind kept telling me it's none of by buisness. I held back the urge to text him, and kept telling myself there is no point, there is no future here, and it is harmful for my sanity to do this. So I'm trying to put myself first, but when that addiction grabs on to you, it's hard to be rational. Recovery doesn't mean we are cured, we will be tested with pings or running into them or whatever, it's how we choose to handle ourselves. My poa let me know last week he wanted to hear from me, but what's in it for me? He will do what he will do, and he's not offering me a relationship, so what's in it for me except more pain, and wasting my energy on someone who doesn't want to be with me. The fact that I am even able to recognize this, and post instead of acting out is amazing to me. A few months ago, any signal from him to communicate I would have jumped on. I think that I have been dating again has really helped. I know there are conflicting opinions on this board about this, but my addiction doesn't jump from poa to poa. Inbetween my poa's I've dated and never got addicted to those relationships, I've actually been the avoidant. I feel that now I recognize the signs, and see how a poa becomes a poa in the first place, I'm not worried about repeating that pattern, more about getting rid of this old one.
Post by dawnbelieves on Mar 29, 2009 15:27:15 GMT -8
You definitely deserve better. You really should delete him from your aim and anything else you have him on. It will only trigger those feelings every time you see him online...or off line for that matter. I just deleted mine from all my online stuff. It is nice to not have that constant reminder every time I turn on the computer. Of course, it took some getting used to because I always would look for him online when the computer came on. But now that I am used to it, it is better for me this way. As for the dating again. I have decided not to date until I feel more sure of myself but I figure if you can date with out getting addicted again to someone else and without repeating patterns then go for it. Just be careful and look for those red flags. Be Blessed, ~Dawn~
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4