I have this unhealthy jealousy that just totally takes over when it strikes. I am in a relationship (8 years) with my POA and it has recently began to get much healthier within the last 3-4 months as we both decided it was time for individual as well as couples therapy. It is going great, and we are both making great progress, however, I still struggle so much with unhealthy jealousy. If she gives any attention or energy to anyone other than me, I becomed consumed with jealousy and insecurity. My head tells me this is not reasonable, but my heart is in agony when this happens. I need to be able to let her go and have her own individual life apart from me with friends and family, but how do I deal with this uncontrollable pain when it strikes? I will be addressing this in therapy, but I need help now before it destroys the awesome relationship we are now building. Thanks - C
Post by surrenderdot on Mar 6, 2012 18:19:22 GMT -8
Hi C, I relate to this and know the pain and fear of jealousy. The only remedy that has ever worked for me has been to focus on my self and my growth. I focus on eating right, exercising, journaling and being loving to myself and others. It sounds overly simple perhaps but it has helped me through some rough patches. Keep working on your self-esteems and the jealousy will diminish. Peace, dee
oboyoboyoboy does your post ever resonate with me. I have read extensively on jealousy. And right when I think it's in the bag it descends on me with a vicious reminder that it is alive and well. I know it is in direct link to whether I am having an insecure day or not.
I don't think we can cease to exist that quickly when our POA is talking to another....the voice of reason not the voice of self hatred.
Post by leighanne885 on Mar 7, 2012 6:33:14 GMT -8
I also relate so much to your post! My POA and I would communicate constantly, and so I always knew what he was doing or who he was with. I would get SO jealous because he was having a good time with someone else instead of me. I would tell him I was jealous, but lightly and just to remind him how badly I wanted to be with him. I don't think he knew the intenseness of the jealousy. It was crazy, and it's something about myself that makes me nervous.
Susan Peabody's book gives three suggestions for dealing with jealousy: 1. find a partner that is trustworthy, 2. Even if you feel jealous, don't act on it and become possessive. Don't let it rule your life, 3. Work on building up your self esteem and developing a healthy relationship with yourself to prevent insecurity that leads to abnormal jealousy.