Since having NC with my POA for almost a month now I have seen myself being drawn to ex boyfriends,
I have only had total NC with my ex-husband for 2 days now and it's good to know that this might come up so that I can look for it. Before I broke away, I had two weeks of limited contact. It's always me that initiates the contact and often he didn't reply to my texts. Breaking away started when I Googled someone from high school that I liked a lot and found that he is on Facebook. I fought daily (and often during the day) to not try to friend him and was successful in the end. But I know that transference applies to me as a Love Addict too. I guess it's just the way it is for us.
I had a dream yesterday morning (the first day of NC) where my ex- was in a wheelchair and took me to a Paul McCartney concert. Paul was a fantasy boyfriend when I was young. Anyway, B introduced me to Paul and then walked away with the wheelchair under his arm. The wheelchair no longer had wheels on it and he just took it to use as a chair. I also dreamed of my ex- before I met him. I was really into soul mates then, on the hunt. Every guy I went out with, I would wonder if he was "the one". In the dream, B was the pilot of a airliner I was on. I had the feeling of wanting the soul mate, but didn't look at him as if he might be it. He just looked at me with a knowing smile. He knew me, knew my feelings, and was okay with me. Dreams!
Post by marieparis on Nov 19, 2014 12:31:31 GMT -8
This is definitely my pattern as well. As soon as one guy rejected me, I would switch almost immediately to another fantasy POA. This way I avoided the pain of withdrawl and avoided looking too closely at myself and my behaviour. It also made me avoid trying to fix my marriage.
Just think of other guys, and all the pain will go away.
This didn't happen. The pain of withdrawl was still there as were the problems in my marriage and the problem of taking responsibility for myself.
This is the first time in my life that I don"t have a POA. I am still married and still working on my marriage and now I have to start working more on myself. What do I want out of my life. I don't want to transfer any feelings to anyone else anymore. I need to be selfish on my behalf and take care of me.
It is my life, only mine and it shouldn't belong to any POA.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Post by catalina89 on Oct 29, 2015 17:55:40 GMT -8
glad I found this old post again. I am 3 months and 1 week sober and I was feeling a transference coming on. I was looking for some to tools to nip that before I created a new PoA. I am so happy I am beginning to catch my self instead of immediately sliding down the "slippery slope." Grateful for this board.
"I love the person I've become because I fought to become her." - Kaci Diane