Post by katieroseg on Jul 14, 2013 22:11:23 GMT -8
I know I have had negative thoughts that have caused depression and anxiety throughout my life. But I never actually heard the words until now.
I am for the first time alone without a POA. I am on day 18 of NC from the most destructive relationship I have experienced thus far.
I keep thinking to myself... I am no better than him. I have abused alcohol in my life. I didnt finish College. I could be in better shape. I dont deserve anything better. I feel like I come from trash and that is what I deserve.
My friends dont understand. That is not what they see. But its what I see. Part of me knows its irrational. But the feelings take over to the point where being rational is not an option.
Last Edit: Jul 15, 2013 17:29:21 GMT -8 by katieroseg
Post by Loving My Life on Jul 15, 2013 14:46:54 GMT -8
Katieroseg, Welcome and we are all glad you are here. I know you are in a lot of pain right now, I have been there as well. But you are not a piece of trash, and this has nothing to do with feeling better than someone else, this is about learning how to take care of ourselves no matter what. You deserve better than a destructive relationship, and you will begin to realize this once you start to recover.
Are you going to any 12 step meetings? SLAA, Codependent meetings in your area? Are you in therapy? Please try to find some local meetings and you can also post on this forum as well, and the two can work together for you and your walk to recover.
Right now it does feel like things will never change, but if you will just take some action and take one step and day at a time, you will recover also.
What have you done for yourself today? What are your recover goals?
Please let us know so we can give you some suggestions.
Keep coming back, it works if you work it, and you are worth it.
One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)
Post by katieroseg on Jul 15, 2013 21:35:11 GMT -8
I have a therapist who has helped me quite a bit over the years, but I dont think is as farmiliar with love addiction. I did, however, have a phone session with Susan that was very insightful amd motivating.
I have been to a few SLAA meetings, but I leave them feeling sorry for my POA and generally would give in to him afterwards.
I need to do something though. I literally feel sick and tired everyday.
I found a all womans Alanon meeting I am going to try this week and I just got one of Susans books in the mail.