I tried for 28 years to help my family heal based on what I was learning about myself in recoveery. When my mom was dying my sister asked me to leave because she said, "Mom did not like you because all you did was try to fix her." I stayed but the family never really healed. So sometimes you do have to let go. Other times you can find a middle ground with strong boundaries. This is not something we should generalize about. To each his own. If I had to do it all over again I would just be a role model for them instead of trying to hard to fix them. We all dream about being the Brady Bunch. But not all our dreams come true and many of us end up survivors. You guys are my family now.
Change needs energy. The 12 steps say this come from God. I believe it comes from the Holy Spirit who energizes us to look within instead of focusing on others. One basic definition of codependency is avoiding our own self actualization by trying to fix others. I call this transference, distraction, defense mechanisms, projection, denial, and dissociation. [In psychology, the term dissociation describes a wide array of experiences from mild detachment from immediate surroundings to more severe detachment from ... Dissociative Experiences Scale - Emotional detachment. Also, it is a fact that while we can influence others, we do not have the power to change others. We do have power to change ourselves with help. . . . Google.]
FromThe Art of Changing by Susan Peabody 2014
If you listen closely when you unlock a safe, there comes a moment when you hear a click and the tumblers finally fall into place. You can’t really see what’s happening, but your fingers move and it all comes together. The beginning of change is like this. You do something different and finally something clicks. It is all very mysterious. You don’t really understand it, but when it happens you know, you immediately open the safe and take out your valuables. In this case, the valuables locked up in the safe are all the wonderful things you will become when you change. And the key to all this is taking action. You don’t just sit there and stare at the safe. You do something . . .
Last Edit: Jan 31, 2016 13:11:09 GMT -8 by Susannah