Hi all, I just attended second slaa face 2 face meeting. It was ok at first.. No I am in denial it wasn't . From the time I woke up I felt panicky. I couldn't decide what to wear , the reason is because I don't want to trigger anyone physically and I don't want them to trigger me . I ve already experienced my feelings transfer to stranger in online meeting. I never intended to. It was very extreme. I am Scared of males, and I am not sure if I can open my mouth to talk in meetings. After this meeting I had experienced massive wave of grief , shock. I have realised that I don't belong there, that I need to run and my story not that interesting to listen / share. I felt terrible pain and I couldn't face the ppl on the way back home, so put glasses on while it was not even sunny . There are always somebody I find attractive and share myself to them ... I feel terrified . Have anyone understand what I am taking about ? Thank you for answers x
I understand what you are talking about with respect to SLAA meetings-in fact, the reason I didn't go to a SLAA meeting last week was because of that very fear. I have decided to go to CODA meetings instead (since I am also co-dependent and their tends to be more women than men in those meetings). I think what may help you is to set an intention for the meeting prior to going and to have strict guidelines about the time you will leave the meeting and how you will conduct yourself while you are in the meeting. It's almost like a military strategy-go in with an objective in mind and stick to your guns. I find we LAs tend to struggle with impulse control, but it is not impossible to manage.
Thank you for replay, I was looking for coda meetings but the time is not good it's usually in the evening, and I cannot ask somebody for a year stay with my kids that I can go. The slaa meetings time is perfect its while kids at school, I am not sure can go when it's going to be school holidays. The other days I work so it's not easy to shuffle around. Of course I am planning to go when it's weekens if kids whith their dad, but this is not guaranteed. I have no one I can ask and i don't have to much income to just pay for child minders ( they well expensive!) . I think I ll go with fear and stick with this meeting, I'll give myself time to adjust . Sometimes I think It's God s way of Showing me the way, I feel totally different since I started go I can't hide my responsibility. Well done for going to coda. I am codependent and sex@ love fantasy addict plus I have eating disorder. Also I could go to AA . Tho I stopped drinking completely ,I've done in the last with loads of going out and drinking. All society is I courage drinking. I be been in 1 AA meeting locally, the people were weary nice , I asked secretary to inform if they gave al- anon meetings, but she never. I couldn't do these because of evening with kids... I ve attended 3 meetings so far this week . 1 face 2 face and 2 online. I had no time to feel lonely as I used to before thank you for listening.x