I get so inpatient and angry while choosing to help my children with their homework. I am not good at explaning maths in not my native language. Plus the way they teach is different .. Today once again I got angry, my daughter so stubborn , I am taking to her she's messing about ! She said I am treating her like a baby . .. She was rude and selfish. Maybe she's mostly tired .. ? That's a long day at school . I can't take the pressure . Responsibility . I get cross when they have hmw and not sure how to do it..
Post by CodepNomore on Sept 25, 2015 8:42:32 GMT -8
Hi ~w~, I have observed your significant progress in many ways from the time you introduced yourself up to this point. You are teachable; willing to learn, asking good questions with the intention of applying them. You are also a very hardworking person. I really see in you so much potential. In this regard, I am sharing with you some of my personal insights in parenting...
I remind myself that our children are gifts to us. Each one of them is wonderfully and uniquely made. Kids are mostly innocent. Nevertheless, they carry with them the imperfection of fallen humanity. They can be stubborn and rebellious at times, but it's part of their inherited nature. Committing mistakes are very much part of growing up, learning what works and what does not. As parents, we are only equippers; we can provide them tools such as teaching them the way they should go and disciplining them whenever necessary. But we don't own them and we cannot choose for them their behavior. Being their role-models, we can only set an example. Good or bad, that's what they follow more than our words.
For me, love is the best model. Love builds up. Parents ought to focus more on developing their good behavior and help them overcome their weaknesses. (Criticizing them can only damage their confidence and aggravates negative behavior.) So let love be our motivation in raising them up and keep sowing good seeds in them. Then we will harvest good fruits in the end.
My lovely daughter has many flaws like me. She was a difficult child to raise up. But she is becoming a better person day by day. I realized that my trust and acceptance have helped developed the much-needed confidence in her; which in turn, helping her to make better decisions. So ~w~, it is all worth it.
P.S. Math is not an easy subject for most of us. So just do what you can and leave the rest. Remember that you are a great mom, but it's about "progress not perfection".
Your recovery is worth the pain of your withdrawal. Remember that "the pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow." Fantasy-based relationship is a lie. Face your reality and stay well!Kind Regards to all LAA members here, - Codepnomore
I love your reply Codepnomore , in the day where most of things go wrong for me ( today), I am finding serenity ! Wauuuuu ! That's a amazing finding , I got car problem ( barely come back home , automatic system could be failing) , I got wrong stuff for DIY ( I had to go back).
I spoke to head teacher , I suggested that for example : kids have loads of activities after school - sports but I am missing support class for math for children ( somewhere where they can go after school and be explained exct. ), so he said it's good idea . He ll think about it. I am not bad at math but explaining I find it difficult .
I think depression keeps me down and also I guess I am tired . I asked for help again , and I feel good about it. I refused to go socialising tonight , because I don't want to miss my meeting , and don't want to be near alkohol, not just yet.
After yet another withdrawal ( 5 days), court a month ago, and 3 fellowships , I have collapsed with resentment . Single parenting is most difficult task God has given me. Today I simply want to give up on motherhood, recovery.. My anger bashes out on my kids. I know the outcome and it's even worse. That's why today I am in guilt / Shame with myself. Self respect gone. I have to , somehow , with pryer , pick up my pieces and go with kids outside for the fresh air. My addiction wants to keep me in self pity.. Outreach calls towards isolation. That's the most diffult task for me.
I need and that's what I am going to do, stay sober for today and first I admit to God what have I done.
I am hearing that you are in a pattern of withdrawal and that today is a particularly hard day because you are facing the toughest task of your life-being a single parent. I'm also getting that you are feeling like being a mom and in recovery are so tough and that you have been taking out your anger on your kids, and you feel the impact you are having can't be good. I'm also hearing that you are fighting the urge to isolate, and engaging in prayer and outdoor activities to keep you sober.
Did I get everything?
(PS-I am practicing a dialogue technique that is meant to enhance communication and connection between people).
The smell of jasmine is in the air, And I think of my precious grandchild, Who will live in my heart forever, Whose memory blows over me at will, Like a warm summer's breeze. And I know not whence it comes Or whither it goes. But I suppose It goes where love abides.
Dedicated to Jasmyne Marie Snyder June 16, 1994 - June 29, 1994 and Kathleen M. Snyder January 12, 1969 - June 2, 2010
The story of my daughter and granddaughter . . .
Last Edit: Nov 29, 2015 11:11:29 GMT -8 by Susan P.
Leah b you understood everything right. It is withdrawal you are right in that too. I picked up myself from pieces and pull myself together, I took my kids and neighbours children to museum and we all enjoyed that. I outreached and went to meeting , I shared and tryed to be honest . I am on step7 in slaa. Today I helped somebody to look on positive side.
I had serene day, I loved waching Christmas moves ( romantic .. That's probably addiction .. Love good endings ), and one of them was life story about cancer I'll patient. That's reminded of loads of things I am grateful today : - kids - they smile - they health - they still need me and come up to me to share their ideas - recovery - God - heating - being alone without toxic partner - being able to manage kids, work, recovery, outreach, healthy food , being able to let God in. - trust that all work out for good , his way even I don't like it..
I am not used to serenity it's boring sometimes , addict goes out and wants to act out. But I want to change , I am ready . Thank you for all support ......... Susan big hug for you and sorry for all of he loses . I hues sometimes it would be good to be tough that death is part of life, but no one teach it? .. Only life .. Loads of love
Clients always tell me that they had perfect parents and yet they have all the symptoms of love addiction.
Yes, shame, neglect, abuse and abandonment are the root of the problem. But most of all it is the mood of the primary caretaker. Children are very sensitive to parents' anxiety, depression and lack of eye contact. I call this mom sad; me bad.
Once I saw a video of a woman holding a rag doll. At least I thought it was a rag doll until they gave the woman electric shock therapy. The woman came alive and so the rag doll which was actually her baby.
Here is a video that explains what children go through . . . it breaks my heart.
Last Edit: Nov 30, 2015 12:07:27 GMT -8 by Susan P.
That is very sensitive issue for me too. And yes the heart brakes when I see baby crying and wanting attention , and also so easy to get involved on other ,, parents ,, parenting kids .. Exct. Thanks for sharing video. I used to read books and music for my son and lulaby , While he was still inside .. With the daughter ( she wasn't expected ) , I went really down .. Had suicidle thoughts .. But That's God will.
It would be great to have parenting classes for every pregnant woman and so on. But usually it's way to late when I look for help.