I partly neglected self-care for some years. Part of my goals of healing was grooming regularly (dressing nicer, getting haircuts, bathing more often, paint my nails, etc.). This was great and I became more confident. But this kind of backfired on me.
At first I got a nice feeling from getting men's attention, but lately it's like I'm looking for/want that attention from any man.Like inside I'm thinking "Hey, did you see me, look at me." So much so that the wrong man started giving me lots of attention, and the more he paid attention, the more I wanted it. I miss his attention and feel down if it's not there.
I think I almost get a high from getting men to look at me or driving them crazy.
Is this seduction, attraction thing a symptom of love addiction also?
Last Edit: Aug 29, 2016 10:38:57 GMT -8 by skyblue
Namaste, thanks for your post. I actually never posted that daughter stuff in there. That just freaked me out when I saw it there, maybe I pasted something from another post by mistake. Anyway, I just deleted it.
Back to my questions, good to know that I'm not the only one with these seduction, attraction issues in love addiction.
Last Edit: Aug 29, 2016 10:44:16 GMT -8 by skyblue
Post by healingodat on Sept 14, 2016 14:10:04 GMT -8
For me. Personally, yes seduction is part of a ritual involved in my love addiction. Flipping my hair in a sexy way, my eyes looking deeply, the way I walk and move my body, it's all part of seduction once I decide I have my eyes on someone and I want him to desire me and long for me.
I realized I am powerless over wanting men to desire me and it's usually the very unhealthy unavailable ones or all sorts of narcissists.
Or sometimes it would be just a bunch of them.
I had to learn for some time to not wear make up just so that I learn to love myself just as I am but years later I do feel better when I fix myself up, I guess it's for me a matter of motive.
Am I dressing up for me or for the world or for men. Is it so I feel good about myself for me and to present myself in a way that says this is me and I like me like this or is it screaming or saying "with this look I'm hoping so and so person will be drawn to me, notice me and talk to me"
I don't think is wrong to want someone's attention if you are interested in them but it's how I go about it. Is it manipulating reality to fit my goal or is is a natural way( just being me) without all that pressure and urgency or desperation to Get a result from the object of my interest.
I love my sexuality. It's something I am good at but I have used seduction as a tool so I am trying to learn how to be first a friend with someone and learn to trust etc. but that takes a long time and I only have that experience with an old male friend of 8 years. But he's 20 years older than me. We once actually tried to have a relationship for like 2 weeks and we were both not ready and I think the age difference too wide. But I noticed because he was already a trusted friend, it was so much more natural and human.
I didn't have to use any form of seduction. I mean that's how I would love for it to be with a normal healthy relationship. Not control or neediness but just a natural give and take of two individuals expressing themselves emotional and or sexually.
I'm sorry I went a little to far off topic. Just rambling now.
But yes for me seduction is part of my LA
This all goes back to a part of childhood we call the Oedipus Experience. Around the age of 4 or 5 we are romantically attached to our fathers. To get our father's attention we just naturally flirt. I actually saw this once in the store. A man walked in with her father and to get his attention she became very seductive. She had no idea what she was doing. If the father responds she does it more until her whole identity is not based on flirting. When she grows up she continues to do this. The more attention she gets the more addicted she becomes to this kind of attention. It can lead her to all kinds of personality changes. She may feel she is only worthy if she is attractive. Sometimes girls do not do this willingly. They are groomed by a parent to flirt by being told how cute and beautiful they is. This is a trap that is hard to get out of. Learn to love yourself for your whole self. Your personality. Your kindness. Your compassion. You are more than your body. You are complete and beautiful for all kinds of reasons.