Oh I can SO relate. But don't for get....you have us! In the meetings they talk about emotional anorexia and I have to say I think that is part of it.
Years ago when I was organizing Love Addicts Anonymous with my co-founder Howard Gold, I saw this term "emotional anorexia." I asked SLAA to let me use the term and they declined. So I searched my mind for another terms and God put into my head that people were not just love avoidants or love addicts, but actually ambivalent. So I tossed this term into the self-help community and it has become an official part of LAA.
Love addicts obsess about unavailable people because they have an underlying fear of intimacy. Love avoidants do the same thing. They avoid healthy people and chase after unavailable. This is the secret to understanding what we do. I discuss this in my Work Book for Recovering Love Addicts and Ambivalent Love Addicts.
The solution is simple. Become emotionally healthy. Become emotionally brave. Become emotionally available. Then find someone who is the same. Forget about passion in the beginning. That will come later from the joy of compatibility. It worked for me after 16 years of being single. But it is progress not perfection. Things will go slowly for awhile. Good luck.