Post by Susan P. on Sept 16, 2017 15:26:29 GMT -8
Lovely June has been with a long time and now she is happily married with two great children. She is one of those who is "recovered" instead of "recovering" because she chose to pass it on through her own writings about love addiction.
A beautiful bird landed on a rock by the shore. The rock was big and beautiful and the algae clinging to its surface appeared to the bird like wings. The bird struck up a conversation and the rock responded. The talked long into the night, until it was evident that the two were in love. Oh, the chemistry! Oh the passion! The bird had never felt these feelings for anyone else before. The bird finally said, come fly with me. The rock said, “But, I can’t. I am a rock.” The bird got very angry and flew off, unable to understand why, if there was so much love and passion between them, her love could not do such a simple task as fly. In the morning she returned. They talked again and her anger dissipated. Finally she said, maybe you can just “try to fly with me? I can teach you,” still having hope that the rock would be able to have a “normal,” healthy relationship. The rock looked dejected. “I cannot try. I cannot learn. I can only sit here. This is what I do.”
The bird became frustrated. “Why did you say you loved me then? Why did you ‘appear’ like a bird? Why did you hook me in and let me fall in love when you knew you wouldn’t be able to be what I wanted you to be?”
The rock sighed and looked off in the distance. “I did not deceive you. Perhaps you deceived yourself. I am what I am and if you aren’t able to tell the difference between a rock and bird, then, I am afraid your eyes have deceived you. Or maybe your heart.”
And with that the bird flew away never to see the rock again.
The point of this story is, that it does not matter if you have chemistry or passion with someone. What matters is something far deeper. That you are similar creatures that can share in a similar lifestyle. In human terms, it means that you find someone who shares your same values. When we fall in love with someone who doesn’t share our same values we cannot have realistic expectations of them. It’s only OK to have expectations of someone who can meet those expectations. Read A Fish is Not a Bird for more on this topic.