Post by Susan P. on Jan 22, 2018 12:01:17 GMT -8
Obsessing about Someone from the Past
Here are some articles . . . My take on this is simple. Our mother was unavailable either because she was married to our father or she neglected us in someway We really never get over this. When we give up on mom, we venture out to find a substitute. Unconsciously, or prior to recovery and awareness, we look for a stand in for mom. When we meet someone who triggers a memory of our mom we start projecting. When this person leaves us we can't handle it and we stop obsessing.
Some people do this for years. I call them a Torchbearers. Others move on and start obsessing about someone new. The thing that keeps us stuck is that we can't let go of someone who loved us just a little (like our mom) but not enough to fulfill us. Our Imago is the unavailable woman. When we meet someone who is available we feel lukewarm. They do not remind of our mom so we are not interested.
This goes on until we make a decision to move on. This happens when deep down we accept that some people in our life are not meant to love us totally or be with us forever. When we do this we are free. Then, in time, we are happy with the one God chose for us. I encourage you to cast the demon of love addiction out of your head by taking the third and which help you surrender to God's will not yours.
To some degree, love addiction is a disorder of the will or willfulness. Willfulness must be exchanged for ego strength which helps us move on to something better. It is not ego death or self-centeredness. It is somewhere in between.