Post by stillhurting on Apr 30, 2018 20:00:33 GMT -8
I am still suffering from a lot of depression & anxiety (that sometimes can be pinpointed to triggers and other times just out of thr blue). It's getting very frustrating because my relationship with my PoA has been over for over a year. It hits me sometimes so hard and I feel suicidal at times. I can't even explain it. I have everything I've always wanted in life really..a husband, kids, a nice house..all the normal stuff of a middle class family. I should be happier I think. I'm on antidepressants & have anti anxiety meds for bad times. But I've been leaning on opiods a lot. I don't honestly know if it helps or hurts. It's a temporary fix I do know that. I see a counselor regularly & she knows about all this. I just wush I could get past this point on my life where I feel guilty for my past, yet still long for it. I feel pretty hopeless that I will ever again feel truly happy. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I'm pretty tiredof feeling ungrateful for my "good" life but I just can't help feeling a big something is missing. It doesn't feel worth continuing on like this sometimes.
I I feel guilty for my past, yet still long for it. I feel pretty hopeless that I will ever again feel truly happy. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I'm pretty tired of feeling ungrateful for my "good" life but I just can't help feeling a big something is missing. It doesn't feel worth continuing on like this sometimes.
This is nearly my exact experience at times. I am told that I have a "good" life and in many many ways I do, but it seems like everything is covered in falseness. It's like if this one part of me cannot feel resolved or relaxed, everything is tainted. When I am feeling lower, everything is false in the light of one relationship, one person, that felt it was somehow necessary to be cruel and using and abusing towards me. It sickens me to to know this person walks free after so casually wounding my heart.
In some ways, I am internalizing and "owning" the disdain shown towards me by the other horrible person. I loved them and they hated me so I must be worthy of hate and scorn. I respected them and they showed only disrespect, I must not be respectable.
Look in your primary and formative relationships. Were there caretakers, siblings, or other adults in your life, during your childhood, whom you valued or put on a pedestal and they were either disdaining, dismissive, hot/cold, or otherwise neutral towards you in spite of your efforts to obtain positive attention?
Post by stillhurting on May 1, 2018 20:15:25 GMT -8
I'm so sorry that you feel this way as well. It's a terrible way of going through life. It makes me sad that you can understand me. I feel pretty hopeless right now. I want to be able to enjoy my life but I just can't imagine it anymore. This whole experience has ruined me. I don't think I can be okay again.