I am back. This time its not my POA(ancient history), but my ex and my son. My ex is suing me for custody of my daughter. My 18 year old son helped him to do it by giving his dad the money from his SSec. so ex could hire a lawyer. I feel so betrayed! My son has lied to me about drugs, stealing, sneaking out, drinking, failing school( 2 weeks before graduation!), spying on me to help his dad, and more. He finally moved out and never calls me or visits anymore. (Except when he wants something). My ex is a narcissist and gets a kick out of seeing me hurt. But he is also hurting my daughter. He doesn’t pick her up for weekends for a month or more, doesn’t call her, and takes money from her allowance to go out for dinner ( he is always broke). I am so depressed I have started seeing a counselor again even though my experiences with the profession have been terrible. Also, my best and oldest friend has suddenly dumped me after fifty years for no reason; just said I talked too much and hung up on me! I waited a day and called him. All was well for about thirty minutes then he hung up again! He also owes me a large amount of money or I would write him off. He has gotten between me and the ex and played both sides; passing messages from my ex to me that upset me greatly. I feel betrayed by the whole world and very depressed.
...I feel betrayed by the whole world and very depressed.
Something about the phase of the moon today or something! I felt this exact way on waking this morning. I experienced an unexpectedly heavy feeling that the world is against me, had betrayed me (even God), and that makes me feel depressed.
When the world is stacked up against you like this, you can fight and struggle, or you can surrender and go with the flow (a person can probably think of dozens more possible courses of action). I can't help but feel like withdrawing upon hearing your story. I would want to pack up and leave state. I've cut off most of my toxic family because they are, basically, horrible and controlling people that don't have my best interests at heart.
What you describe is indeed a horrible set of betrayals. You have my sympathies and you have my empathy as well, as I also have been betrayed by people that care about me (not everyone that cares about me! )
Maxwell, Thank you for your kind and empathetic words. It is good to know that not everyone is out to betray me. Today I spoke with my son, who seemed perfectly nice and pleasant on the phone(unlike yesterday when he accused me of “disowning” him). He and I are having lunch on Mothers Day at his favorite sushi bar. I can’t help being cynical about his motives. Before, he said he didn’t have time for me on mothers day. Now, suddenly he does.(hmmm). And he wants me to take him to a job interview on Monday. I am afraid that after I take him to it, he will again dump me. How to know whether or not to trust him? He lies constantly. If I go no contact with him to save myself, I will lose him forever. But if I don’t, he will continue to hurt me. My friends are divided; half say dump him because he is a narcissist with no empathy and half say he may grow out of it in a few years. Thoughts?
... I am afraid that after I take him to it, he will again dump me. ...
Are you talking about your son? or a potential partner? Sometimes the very context of a short description of events, impressions, and interactions can be very useful. Just in the way you use words gives some indication that you and your son both have less of a parent/child relationship and more of a peer/peer type dynamic. Boys develop their conception of women in general from Mother. It's not unnatural in any way to project some sexual tension into family relationships. Every person on the planet learns in some way, as a child, from opposite sex parents, about human sexuality and attachment.
I would mention that awareness of this doesn't really change the dynamic, but awareness of it gives you an opportunity to make future choices. I'm not a good person to consult on this front. I have had to push out my mother and family to keep myself feeling safe. I was not able to successfully navigate an ongoing relationship with family that did not result in pain. So I chose, with intention and behavior together, to make my boundary closed to people that try to hurt me on purpose.
The tension, anger, anxiety, and aggression (passive and active) that you describe will continue until something changes. Like any other addiction, pathological relationships will continue until they simply cannot be sustained and a person has a "come to Jesus" moment. You can wait for that moment, or you can anticipate it to try to avoid it. There are other things you can do as well. Engaging in self care and self development can provide you with personal emotional resilience. Seeking and cultivating different and positive social connections can also provide resilience.