Hi! I'm not new here, but it's been like 7 years since I don't actually participate in the forum. Seven years ago I worked the SLAA program and it changed my life. Ever since, I got married and have been leading a "normal" life, with its ups and downs but pretty much under control in terms of my "love addiction". However, lately my husband and I have been fighting a lot. And I don't what's wrong with me but it has always been the same when I fight with my partners, I panic, the pain that I feel is unbearable and I literally feel like I want to die. I start having crazy thoughts, for example, I start hoping something happens to me (like I faint of something) so that he reacts, stops being mad and take care of me. I don't understand why this happens. Is as if a part of me thinks that it's over and that I'm gonna lose him forever (and the idea is terrifying), even though being realistic, it is probably only a fight and we'll probably be ok in a couple of days. I hate feeling like this, and I hate acting like a crazy person around him, because I think that will only draw him apart from me even more. Has anyone else experienced this? Or has anyone ever been told why this happens? I'd like to know why being in bad terms with my partner affect me in a way that nothing else in the world affects me. Hope to hear from someone soon. Thanks for reading me! )
Post by victoria1008 on Apr 29, 2019 19:09:03 GMT -8
I wanted to let you know I completley relate. I have always acted the same way when having fights with a significant other so you are not along. For me I think it stems from rejection/abandonment and fearing that if I do something wrong they will leave me. I always was in a very toxic/emotionally abusive relationship and that affected how I behaved in arguments with other people because I instantly went back to that place of shear panic. Just wanted you to know I get it! ❤
Not my proudest moments, but can relate to acting crazy when wanting to keep a guy. About 7 or 8 years ago was with one of men I have been the most into and we fought a lot and during one of these fights he suddenly acted as if he doesn't care anymore and is actually willing to break up, so I panicked, got all hysterical, broke a small glass tealight holder he had in his flat, took one piece of glass and locked myself in his bathroom, crying, wanting him to think that I'm gonna hurt myself (even though wasn't even planning on actually hurting myself). So, I don't know it's probably not making you feel any better, but in comparison to past me, you act more sane anyway.