In deep once again Apr 9, 2019 13:04:45 GMT -8 via mobile
Post by missmarie333 on Apr 9, 2019 13:04:45 GMT -8
Hi, this is so hard. I identified that I was a love addict a few years ago and have had counselling (around this and some other things) but I am still finding myself following the same patterns and I don’t know what else to do. I left a relationship a few months ago and since then have met up with 3 of my exes. I work on myself spiritually and emotionally, and go through periods of time where I feel so good. But then once again find myself desperate for love. My mind lures me into fantasising and obsessing so well that I don’t even know I am doing it until I’m in deep again.
Right now the POA is the strongest one I’ve ever had. He is a ex that I have felt deeply connected to and we have been on and off for a few years now. I never ever expected to be in this position again with him but I have fallen very quickly and very hard. He is like a drug to me and I feel powerless over my feelings for him. I’m genuinely sitting here thinking about how no one has ever understood me like he does and how in love we are (he has always reciprocated and felt the same way). If I felt able to have a healthy relationship then it would be ok, but my gut is telling me it’s going to end like it always does, which is usually me running away once the intensity dulls.
But I just can’t stop myself, the addiction has taken over again despite all of the work I’ve have done on myself. I feel like it’s never going to get better for me and I’ll be chasing this feeling forever. My thoughts about the POA are that he is the person I am destined to be with, that our connection is deeper than I’ve ever known etc.... the fears that come up for me are that if I walk away am I sacrificing my one true love. I can’t bear the thought of not experiencing this feeling again, it’s terrifying.