I've noticed that I have a lot of triggers that make me go into my dream state of the perfect relationship or brings about obsessive thoughts. My main triggers are music and movies. Sometimes I can't even turn the radio on because certain songs will just take me there. I have a long way to go, lol. What are some of your triggers and how do you deal with them? I can't live in silence, I hope as the days go on it gets easier.
Also any type of rejection or disapproval tends to be a trigger for me.
Post by amiramaile on Dec 26, 2007 19:59:32 GMT -8
Those are absolutely my triggers too. I feel helpless and hard to control my thoughts. Sometimes I am able to distract myself and go on. Other times, I let the song, movie or memory take me away.Then I suffer more. Rejection is absolutely a trigger for more obsessive thoughts. My main relief right now is that I found a name for it, and other people like me and don't feel alone any more.
I don't watch as many romantic movies anymore. They trigger me. I gave up romantic novels completely. They got me hooked on romance as a child. I thought it was worth dying for like in the books, and I pursued it into the gates of hell. I listen to love songs, but I sing them only to God and my partner. (Well there is one song I sing to my therapist sometimes. I honestly love You, by Olivia Newton John, was written by Dolly Parton to her manager even though she is married.) Quiet time just before bed. . . This is like walking into a bar for an alcoholic. I am off in my head. But I fantasize about more than love these days. I want wealth, a successful career, and world peace. The biggest trigger for romantic fantasies is limerence. This is what you feel (as a result of chemicals flowing through your bloodstream) when you are attracted to someone. This is when you really need to control your fantasies until you find out if this is the right guy. I say control because God knows we can't stop them.
Last Edit: Dec 27, 2007 16:54:11 GMT -8 by Susan P.
Post by Rainbows Always on Dec 29, 2007 3:45:30 GMT -8
Ive had to put a self imposed ban on the dvds I watch too. They were feeding my addiction!! My fav. was "The Bridges of Madison county", its a tear jerker and my favourite movie for about 20 yrs. And since being in recovery I will not let myself watch it!!
It is my no 1 trigger movie, because I want what the film is about. I want someone to say to me EXACTLY what clint Eastwood said to Meryl Streep.
Ive even told my ex's about the movie and made them watch it once each. They got up and walked out couldnt see the point!! But me. I cried, my heart ached and all's I wanted was for my man to cup my face in their strong hands , look me in the eye and say "Shaz, A certainty like this, comes but once in a lifetime".
Oh my God!! That one liner is my ultimate fantasizing trigger!! I even told my ex one day when we were being "mushy" that one day Id love for him to say that to me (and of course mean it). He said ,but I never will. And I said "But why not?" He said because they are not my words. I dont talk like that!! Dont give me a script of what to say!!.
How true. Now in recovery I can see it! But how I would die if those words were said to me!! Id be in heaven.
It was all about my expectations!! And I guess that's one reason why I was like a bottomless pit. Even after 50 "I love you's" from my ex it still was never enough to "fill me up". I knew he adored me but I think I was waiting for those EXACT words, that expression of love and devotion.But it was never those exact words.
How crazy now when i think of it!!
My ex husband said to me one day when we'd only been courting for a few months "Id crawl over broken glass for you". That was it!! I married him a few months later. I took those words as a direct correlation of how much I THOUGHT he was committed to me and how far he would go for me!! It lasted 4 yrs and now I dont even know what I saw in him!! shaz
The only thing I can think of that 'triggers' me is feeling lonely and unloved and hopeless about finding a loving, healthy relationship. movies and music actually help me feel it is possible. my reactions to that stuff is a positive for me. it just gives me hope.
Also seeing/ knowing of successful couples in real life triggers me!! I get jealous, angry, envious and sad. I'm happy for them...but then I'm not or wish I had what they had and wind up feeling I am actually being punished by God or deemed unworthy of love from a man.
One of my favorite movies is, 'Frankie and Johnny', with Al Pacino and Michelle Phieffer, it's about an abused, scared woman who slowly allows herself to let this guy into her life. they're both scared but he's more excited about it, so I guess it seems realistic to me. the fear, but also taking the risk to try again and have it actually work out after giving up on it. I relate to both characters.
'Sleepless in Seattle', made me want to barf. it was so corny. Meg Ryan was such a ditz. the only good part was Tom Hanks parts with the son. 'Titanic' was predictable but I liked the second half, the part of the ship sinking, sans the dual between leo & that other guy (that was silly) I just liked the history of seeing it happen. those are two I remember being so popular that I mostly disliked.
goodbye my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream, so long my luckless roamance, can't you just let me be?
My biggest trigger thing is a beautilfle very pretty women with a turned up nose high cheek bones just like say Britt Ekland when she was a James Bond girl....also with that also sets me off is pictures of beautifle models in cataloges or advert with very pretty girly clothes on i love the clothes and the overall picture..it sends me into a must have wanten disire for this person but now i have identified it i can sometimes now control it and i am trying very hard to control it becuase it makes me feel wanten and as if something is missing in my life and this person would make me happy ever after !!!! ive always thought it was lust now i have come to realise its a mixture of both at the same time and its very powerfle ...how mad are we love addicts Hey Jonny xxx
Post by sunflwrs4evr on Nov 23, 2012 9:56:47 GMT -8
I haven't written in awhile, looks like so long that i dont even remember where to start a brand new thread in emotions session. So I found something close to what I am feeling called, "Emotions and Triggers" and it looks like its been years since anyone has written on it. So this is my hp power telling me, "it my turn, to write in this spot". I have alot of strong feelings to write today, I dont know exactly why and I am sure I will have it figured out the more I write and the more I read some feedback from everyone. A fellowship friend just texted me and as we were texting back and forth I have tears running down my face and we are telling each other what we did for Thanksgiving. My bottom line was not having that fantasy family dinner that I never had growing up. I felt alot of disconnect, alot of what i am feeling at this moment. The good thing is I am feeling it and writing about it and not running from it. Growing up my father would not eat chicken or turkey and every year we never had that Traditional Thanksgiving dinner in our home at the table. We always went out to eat at a restaurant. I think I am remembering all of this right now. It just feels like it did last night for alot of moments during my time out for our Thanksgiving dinner very disconnected.
We went to my sons girlfriends family home for dinner, which i have been doing that for a few years now. They are very nice people, but i dont feel that connection with them, nor my son. My grand babies had an awesome time, I just listened and watched and relaxed.
I guess if i sit with these feelings they will just go on their merry way, soon I hope.
I know that I this is the second Thanksgiving my mom isnt on this earth and I cant talk with my father he is too abusive, I wanted to wish him a happy thanksgiving because that is the way I am. However my recovery said, "Don't do it" I didnt want to ruin feeling good yesterday. And my sister God knows what she is doing, I invited her over today for my Thanksgiving dinner at home, and she has to go to work, which is okay, all of this just brings up alot of feelings and emotions that I havent ever felt this strongly, especially to talk about it and get support on.
It's almost as if my inner child is calling out to me and asking for a hug and validation that it's okay today I am safe and I am secure and everything is okay. Thanks for listening Sun
Post by loveanimals on Nov 23, 2012 11:31:16 GMT -8
Bridges of Madison County, Gone With the Wind, The Notebook, Titanic and Braveheart are all triggers for me! I want the POA in my life to say those words that the men in those movies say. It's no wonder those are all listed as my favorite movies! I think some of us are more sensitive to watch these and really want to feel what the characters are showing.
I also have triggers of a song from past abuse/at the club when I drink was drugged and I was date raped that put me in a terrible state of anxiety.