Just read The Intimacy Factor/Pia Mellody. Very helpful and informative. About a year ago life as I knew it crashed and nearly burned. Afterward I did some reflecting and the conclusions led me to seek help through education and ultimately to this site and other sources. During a self-assessment some months ago, my diagnosis? Mild LA/Codependency. If there is such a thing (Mild). Recently I've been, for the most part, ignoring specific recovery efforts and have been trying to remain focused on a relationship with our Savior. However, apparently some self discovery and healing remains incomplete. I wasn't abused as a child, but no doubt was neglected to an extent. What I "do" remember specifically is being ignored by both parents though I don't recall how often or how consistent that may have been. I'm the 'middle' child, have an older brother/first born son for dad and a younger sister/little girl for mom. So there I was, fighting for attention in an atmosphere where "dad" was often absent until I reached age 11 when our parents divorced and he became almost completely absent. Either way he barely bonded with any of us and I seem to have been totally left out of that limited relationship. Also without a close relationship/bond with my mom therefore setting the stage for adult co-depenency. I will certainly chime-in later and more often but this time leave with a question.
I still have day-dreams (fantasies I'm sure) about a renewed relationship with my ex. She's alone, doesnt date and has isolated herself (fearful avoidant). So, why is it I still feel this "draw" toward her?
Recovery has been more difficult and has taken much longer than I'd imagined.
And out of the ashes You will lift me up You restore my life With Your wonderful love Through all these tears You will make me new And restore my heart With songs of praise to You Out of the ashes