Old timers left because of the drama? This is news to me. Drama comes and goes. You did a great job Susan managing it.
From Susan. The group split years ago. In the beginning we were the Love Addicts Anonymous Message Board. There were only 3 of us for years. At some point, People complained that my presence on the board was a violation of the Traditions. As was the list of books and recommendations made by myself and others. We took a vote and decided to drop the Traditions and keep the steps. This was not enough to satisfy those who worship the Traditions, so we left LAA and became Susan Peabody's Message Board.
It was a painful time for me but it has lifted a great burnden off of me. Since I went professional people have been complaining about my presence in 12-Step programs and it hurt me. I was working so hard to contribute. After the split, it was such a relief to not have the Traditions thrown in my face. Those who left started their own meeting taking many of our concepts with them. They folded after about 18 months.
In 1982, my sponsor said "when in doubt do the loving thing." The reading list was the right thing do. Even Jesus talked about the dangers of the "letter of the law." Let love guide us in all our adventures. When I retire there will a vote about whether or not to return to LAA. Meanwhile we still support that group and list their meetings on this site. And I still recommend the steps.
I guess because I'm new here I am not familiar with old timers that left. It's funny - the "old timers" to me are Susan, telmita, chrissy, sexlessw, estrala, bluebird - all of whom I have gotten so much help from.
Others who I have shared the journey with for about the same time as myself - brooklynberry, nickie, bungabali, greebee, iselita, also feel very much a part of my group.
I could not have started and maintained this journey without them.
Of course there are many others - I'm just writing about the people that I notice the most.
I'm still a little puzzled. I consider myself quite a drama queen so I feel like I know it when I see it - and I see so little over-all on this board.
Whenever I tell my other program friends about this site I always mention how beautifully it's designed, how well it is moderated, and how much HELP I get.
I am definitely here but I will say, just to be heard, that I occasionally take issue with feedback on the board and get slightly triggered. Someone (not an oldtimer) told me my withdrawal, etc. may feel better if I started dating. Of course I knew better but it wasn't easy!
I am going to make a bigger effort to post, It's been about 10 months on here for me and I am in deep gratitude to the help I have received. Susan makes a good point with 12th step work!
Have many of you been on other Internet forums? Not about this issue, but about - well - anything under the sun. I've been active on international adoption related forums for several years. You're going to see an ebb and flow of people coming in and out. It's a natural process.
Old timers get caught up in another situation in life. New comers come in looking for info. Some stick around wishing to help and educate. I see parallels here to this forum and my international adoption forums. Ebb, flow, coming, going...
As they used to say: take the advice you can use, apply it - and disregard the rest if it doesn't fit into your life. And not everybody is out to hurt you - more people wish to help you than harm you.
Post by Butterflygirl on Jun 22, 2009 12:21:23 GMT -8
For me, reading and writing keeps me out of denial about my LA. If I stay away from my recovery for too long (which is this board) I start to slip back into old habits. I need to continue to read other people's wisdom and struggles, and to post my feelings so they lose their power and so I can get encouragement from others.
This is the lesson that AA teaches us. We are in recovery for life. To keep us busy we work the twelfth step for the rest of our lives. This is what I am doing on the board after 25 years of recovery.
From the LAA website . . .
Step 12: "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."
One of the indications that you have had a genuine spiritual awakening is that you want to share this experience with others. You want them to be as happy as you are. You want to help them have a similar experience. This step suggests that we do just that, that we "carry the message." It is also a well known spiritual principle that to keep our own spirituality strong and fresh we must "pass it on." So what we call 12th step work is for you as well as for others.
How you carry the message is up to you. Any kind of service helps. You may donate your time and money to LAA. You may sponsor someone. Every time you answer a post on the message board you are practicing the 12th step.
Recovery is about change. Sometimes the changes are obvious when you are in a support group. But the support group is like a hot house protecting delicate flowers. The real test is when you go out into the world. Can you practice what you have learned in LAA when you go to work or socialize with your friends? Can your recovery stand up against your next romantic relationship? This is the question.
Dear Susan, I have realised that I am in this for life. In fact I am kinda scared at the moment cos that realisation hit me last Saturday morning at a 12 step meeting. I have struggled with this disease for more than 30 years, I don't think it will disappear when a 'knight in shining armour' appears over the horizon! I am gradually coming to terms with this, if I keep working at this program i hope to get as addicted to it as I have been to other things. Heaven knows at least this is saving my life whereas atht addictions were slowly and sometimes rapidly killing me.
"Love doesn't have to hurt - If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you!"
OH, I was wondering if I could write an article and use Susan's stuff for a magazine in shanghai and possibly other areas in china. I can redirect people to the LAA website and also to the 12 step groups which operate here.
Should I get one Susan wrote or modify it? What do you think? I think it should have a slant for the situation in China. I really don't want to use my name but could use a pseudonym.
Seriously, Love addiction here is rampant and the foreigners get caught up in it and lose themselves.
What does everyone think?
At least it would start to bring even more people to awareness. Maybe they could find the support that I have found.
"Love doesn't have to hurt - If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you!"
“Be not the slave of your own past-plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience, that shall explain and overlook the old.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Miztex, I could have written the first several paragraphs, especially identify with this: I began to realize that I had some pretty deep issues. I couldn't deal with rejection, abandonment, being ignored, or being bored. I have only been here a few weeks and learned more than I EVER have from any counselors or psychologists I've seen (and there have been many!). It amazes me that LA is not more widely known or identified. Sad really so many of us walking around undiagnosed. I too am walking, swimming and in general trying to get outside and do more things that are healthy for me. Instead of spending hours daydreaming, fantasizing, waiting for an email or instant message I want to use my valuable time for ME not waste time on my POA. It has been a wonderful experience being here and receiving so much support. I hope someday when I am healthy enough to give back to this board all I have received.
Friend! I guess I am an old timer! I came back after 9 month or so to find a friend and see how she is doing. We lost touch and I really wanted to know she is well. Now I realized it may have been selfish, because all of you are my friends, just some of you I did not get to know that well. I am back and completely together, happy, strong and truly cant believe all this happened to me. What took me to recovery? Many things. Intense work on myself, meeting people who helped. Reaching some internal shift. A Miracle! Yes often I think it was in additional to NC and other techniques a Miracle. I literally rolled on the floor and cried saying "God! Free me! Please!" It happened. Long story short. I fell in love with someone else, no that relationship did not work out either, BUT not one moment I felt addicted - did not accept ambiguity, I did not keep on proving my worth, I did not engage in addictive texting. It was just that I asked for what I wanted, I did not get a positive response, I fully respected person's decision, I moved on....and at that very moment I realized that I am HEALED, that I am FREE, that I am I and happy with just the way things are. I am not triggered, I am not addicted, I am powerless. So, I am here to bring this good news. I know your pain and I want to say there is HOPE, there is FREEDOM. Do not GIVE UP!!! I am back to help.