Post by Butterflygirl on Jun 28, 2010 13:23:43 GMT -8
From a friend . . .
I haven't been around here for a while, and just logged in today. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I can't imagine the pain, and I am crying right here alongside you. To be dealt this double-blow--I pray you have people around you to support you and love you during this time. I pray that there will be answers about your daughter's death. I pray that the truth about Monty will come out in its entirety and that the girls will be in a safe place. I know that you will have a relationship with them again. May you rest in the arms of God, like Kathy is, just like you have led so many people to Him.
Sincerely, Michelle (Setfree)
Thank you so much for your prayers and kind words. In AA they say nothing happens by accident. Kathy was worn out and now she is at peace. Her daughter, God bless her, has spoken out rather than suffer in silence. More shall be revealed and reconciled.
I love fairies, so I have decided to live with them for awhile. I will send pictures of my little friends.
Post by Butterflygirl on Jun 28, 2010 16:50:45 GMT -8
I tried to see Hailey and Isabelle today and was told (1) I am a drug addict (because I take medication), and (2) I say inappropriate things in front of the girls. (I am guilty of not noticing that the kids are in the room). I think my son-in-law just doesn't like me. We both have control issues and fought over Kathy a lot.
Anyway . . . I went home and had a small nervous breakdown. I called my pastor rather than swallow a bottle of pills. Every time I bring up this subject people say "we need you." Well right now I need to be outta here.
But don't worry. I never follow through.
Would someone come nurse me back to health--or at least take me to Starbucks.
It is always darkest before the dawn. My faith does not waiver. God will see me through this.
Post by Butterflygirl on Jun 29, 2010 13:44:49 GMT -8
I have always been grateful that I was an alcoholic because there are thousands of AA meetings all over the world. I can get out of the house any time and have somewhere to go. Yes, after 27 years, I get bored sometimes, but that is few and far between.
Thank you God for the things that take the edge off.
Post by Butterflygirl on Jun 29, 2010 19:36:48 GMT -8
Every housewife has a recipe with one secret ingredient. At least on television.
I have a secret ingredient in my recipe for life. I learned this while attending AA meetings. The ingredient is "acceptance."
From the book Alcoholics Anonymous. . .
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."
I cannot see my girls. I accept this today. What do I get out of this. Peace of mind.
Post by Butterflygirl on Jul 3, 2010 15:42:20 GMT -8
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (people places and things, not to mention the past), and the courage to change the things I can.
Here is the dilemma: Do I work myself up and fight to see my granddaughters or "turn it over" as they say in AA. I am currently floating down the river of acceptance and really don't want to rock the boat.
I tried and tried to bond with Isabelle and Hailey but it never got beyond a hug and a kiss. When the children were young they came over all the time. Then something broke and I could not fix it. It may have been because I was estranged from Kathy while I was with Sandra. After Sandra died we reconciled.
It may just be my personality. I have a temper (see my article situational narcissist.) I might have frightened them. There was the day at the nutcracker. See articles below.