Okay, I just got out of a year and a half relationship where I was the addict.... the guy was a total avoidant and I finally 'saw the light' and got out.
Now, I've got this other guy that is interested in going out with me. From the outside looking in, this guy seems to be everything I have always been looking for. However, I am used to 'fireworks' and with him, there aren't any. I've been thinking.... is this what I've read about in my "Facing Love Addiction" book? Is it because this a 'healthy relationship' and therefore, I'm just not interested in it because of that? Why all of a sudden have I become the avoidant?
Sorry no one answered your thread right away. You are not alone. I too was in a relationship with an avoidant, and when I couldn`t take his "I can`t give you more than a sexual relationship, I`m not ready for an emotional relationship routine", I left him. I settled for someone who was emotionally available, who had everything I had been looking for in a man. But then I became the emotionally unavailable one. I quickly became bored with the new guy, and I couldn`t stop thinking about my ex. Then I met another guy and I transfered the limerence to him. And yes, he is also emotionally unavailble - blows hot and cold, calls me one day, forgets me the next. I think he may be a seductive withholder. Anyway, I wanted to let you know you are not the only one feeling this way. We are so addicted to drama and uncertainty, we feel as if that`s what is keeping us in love with these unavailable PoA`s.
this is pretty typical of love addicts, thaze. When you feel that you are ready to be open to a relationship again, challenge yourself not to run away from healthy people right away; give it more time. I'm also a big fan of taking new relationships very slowly. Get to know someone as a friend first.