I realised something today. I have been thinking and reading about inner child therapy and thinking about my own inner child, when it struck me that I think my inner child has had free reign alot of the time. What I also realised is that everyone I have had a relationship with has had a wounded child within, and that their inner child has had free reign with them too. All of my past partners have displayed very childlike behaviors at times as I know alot of people do, but I was wonderng if my inner child recognised that this person too had an obvious inner child and this was what led to the attraction?? Any thoughts on this? Willowx
Last Edit: May 27, 2008 20:55:09 GMT -8 by Susannah
Post by LovelyJune on May 21, 2008 13:41:18 GMT -8
hey Willow-- what book are you reading? I'm at the beginning of Harville Hendrix "Getting the Love you Want:" and he talks A LOT about that type of attraction, as does Susan Peabody in Addiction to Love. Both GREAT BOOKS.
I can say that my newest recovery technique is learning about how to control my emotions. I've never really understood how important this is, or that i could do this myself! I always figured if i was sad or angry that i simply had to ride it out. But now i see that my emotional side represents my inner child and that i can NO LONGER let that kid have free reign. She's a bully, for starters, not to mention whiny, impatient, doesn't play fair, angry, needy and plain 'ol MEAN.
i like saying to myself "you're not a child anymore. You are a GROWN WOMAN, start acting like one." This calms me down and helps to alleviate some of the emotional craziness i might be going through. I then start to meditate, read and breathe and it has helped enormously. Especially during PMS. Ooooh...watch out!
Most importantly, i try VERY HARD to NOT analyze the man i am currently dating. Focus is on me. That may sound selfish, but in actuality, the more i am able to calm myself and think and be rational on my own, the better off i am dealing with him and his issues. i am trying to let him work his own stuff out. He's a grown man too!
Thanks Telmita, Thats good advice. I have just been reading the posts on here about inner child therapy and those thoughts came to me. It's good to hear that the same thing has been recognised and wrtten about and I will look out hose books you mentioned. I've just ordered 2 from amazon, recovery of your inner child and a workbook that was recommended although it said it was more emotionally hard hitting than the other one. It was a relief for me to read what you said about your emotional side being connected to your nner child. For as long as I can remember I have been at the mercy of my emotions and never thought that there was another way except waiting for it to pass. I call it 'emotional incontinence' and at times it has made my life a nightmare. You have given me hope that with work and perseverence I may be able to change this, so thankyou. As for the analyzing, I am a master of perfection at this. My POA and I used to analyze everything including each other all the time. Our relationship was very intense and I suppose I miss that. We used to give each other therapy. No wonder it did'nt work! naive thing is, I know that he, like I must fix ourselves etc but I suppose I got o carried away with it all. I let him in my head big time, and made his problems my problems. I so wanted to make it all ok, so we could live happy ever after. I hop I'll learn my lesson!! Willow x
Post by LovelyJune on May 21, 2008 14:43:55 GMT -8
Great book on working with your emotions is anything that takes a "dialectical behavior therapy" approach. The workbooks are great too. Inner child work is a great basis for learning who you are, but some people tend to stay there too long-- as if they're going to find some hidden answer deep within their past. One of the most important things i've ever learned was "you may have had a HORRIBLY PAINFUL childhood because you had no choice. You are an adult now. You have a choice. You don't have to drag all that stuff with you through adulthood."
I too tend to be hugely analytical. In fact, my bf says sometimes, "wow, you really DO like to analyze." On the one hand i say, yes i am! Love me as is! But on the other, i do want to live a BALANCED life. So i pull back and just try to enjoy for what things are at the time. Living in the NOW work tends to be a great meditation practice!!!
Ditto on the "dialectical behavior therapy" approach to reprogramming ourselves. I have just discovered it and I think its just what I've been looking for, but I can also see where it's going to take some serious time and commitment to make it work and see some real results. so far it has made me acutely aware of my thinking patterns, which is a huge first step.
my inner child is completely out of control.I find myself manipulating and acting like a complete baby at times.I find myself in the midst of certain responses to situations,that are completely not adultlike at all.Id like to better identify these and stop them in their tracks.
Post by sobrietythirst on Aug 11, 2008 10:36:18 GMT -8
If anyone could possibly have any suggestions or specific therapies that could possibly...help as I would really like to start my inner child work and my behaviors that are influenced by this.
"Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings." Elizabeth Gilbert