My former best friend(recent ex-POA) sent me a heartwarming MSG. She apologized and complimented me. I'm on "N/C" so what is your advice?
Note: We used to have a healthy friendship until things has changed last yr and I became a codependent while I think she became a seductive withholder. Our problems started w/ me and grew bec of my behavior too. But now after coming here and have known my codependent and obsessive issues, I think I can properly deal w/ her already and I believe as long as I'm normal w/ her she won't be an avoider.
Does this former best friend interfere with your life to the point where it's destructive, abusive, harmful to you? Or is this a case of obsession? If this person is hurtful to you, or if your well-being is compromised by maintaining a friendship with her, then I suggest maintaining NC. If that is not the case, then you have to ask yourself if your obsession for her can be controlled. No matter what happens, the relationship will eventually play itself out.
Thank you Telmita. She was never destructive or harmful. I became obsessed w/ her last yr and unknowingly controlling. That's why she has distanced herself from me. I think the only problem w/ her lately is that she changes her mind suddenly so I should not rely on her or expect anything from her anymore. W/ GOD's help, I believe I'm not addicted to her anymore. I remember what Brooklynberry said, that with contact, we get a "high." if our PoA ignores us, we go through withdrawal, just like a person who is using drugs withdraws when they stop using.. be mindful that in the long run, you'll need to feel ok with yourself whether or not she accepts your gifts. Feeling better bc she took the gift and listened to you is still part of the disease. YOu got your "hit" so to speak. “ Therefore I learned to detach to the point that I am not feeling high anymore about her and her MSG. I just thank and praise GOD for HIS goodness and faithfulness over this matter.
Post by soulseeker on Jan 16, 2011 11:26:09 GMT -8
Know your boundaries.
This moment in your recovery should be about you. Please do not allow yourself to focus on her right now. If you can stay on your work with co-dependency and grow through it, maybe at a later time in your life you can be closer to her. Maybe or may be not, but just not at this moment.
I hope you stay NC. For me, it helps with healing.
Keep with your journal and get those thoughts down on paper. Journaling is healing. Even if in the beginning you are writing your words/texts to your POA.
Eventually you will begin to move beyond thoughts of her.
Begin to invite your soul to the paper.
Don't write about all the great things you are or what you do, write about what is missing in your being.
Try to stand in the Tragic Gap of your life. Do not use God or your POA as a distraction to this part of you.
Thanks soulseeker! I appreciated your support! I'm already done w/ writing down my words/texts for her bec I no longer have the "urge" to write to her after the 1st day of N/C. Thank GOD! : ) I have finished reading a codependent book and so far it's enough already. Bec to read more of it is counterproductive. It makes me just remember what I've done w/ her in the past. What I found helpful now is the book I'm reading, "Letting Go Now". It's all about detachment w/c I've started applying already w/ GOD's help. Actually I'm not keen anymore on having an on-going friendship w/ her. Enough that I'm being normal w/ her. I'm now engaged in different projects and connecting w/ other healthy friends. I'm okay w/ getting closer to GOD and knowing HIM. That's where I'm focusing now. And yes I'm still doing N/C! Thanks! : )
Note: I've waited for this day to happen wherein my ex-recent POA would reconcile w/ me. I thought it's one of the most "wow" things that could ever happen! But to my surprise when it finally occured, I'm NOT reacting anymore like I used to. I'm just at peace w/ GOD and myself. It's enough for me that I'm over and done w/ my past feelings for her and that she has made peace w/ me already.