Post by sweetgirl37 on Jun 7, 2011 21:18:13 GMT -8
I am empty alone and isolated. I have no real support. I went to medical school thinking it would help. I hated it and flunked out and I feel i disappointed everyone who knows and I haven't told everyone the truth. I am so ashamed, embarrassed and feel naive. afraid to call my sponsor. she will hate me. I am just a waste of space that keeps breathing no matter how much i don't want to and tired of this addiction to men. I'm so obsessed and have failed at sticking with the program. I feel like a lost cause and so d**ned alone!
Sweet heart, I can here you........... we all on this board have felt as desperate and desolate as this at some point ( some call it rock bottom) we are here to listen, you are not alone, okay. There are many of us here you can turn to for support, We are glad you made it here.
Sometimes when we are living for the expectations of others, and we fail, it can seem like our whole world is falling down around us, look in your heart and ask your self what do you really want to be doing a medical degree? or something far more suited to you strengths and passion? It dosen't matter what everyone else thinks It only matters what we think about ourselves, get on board with building that rapport with yourself and you will be in a far more positive and safe place to be within, and have the support and love that is much needed internally. In the meantime we are here to help you, okay. Its good you made it here, I believe the true core Of our addictions is our underlying sense of self worth, get okay with that and Thats half the battle....
I just recently had a slip also and It set me way back but I am in the process of going for recovery and doing whatever it takes to get some, blessings and welcome.
Sometimes our higher power works in mysterious ways and its all part of the plan, go with the flow and let life happen as it may, by maintaining peace and serenity in your heart you will be able to cope will all life brings, good and bad, much love sweet girl.
Post by sweetgirl37 on Jun 7, 2011 21:47:28 GMT -8
thank you I didn't want to be a medical assistant the more I went through the class and I am going to go back to the group despite how nervous I am, I can't stand living like a hermit and living to find a man..I will call my sponsor too, she may not understand but she will not hate me i don't think. thank you for responding I really needed it right now, it's been a hard few weeks.
GOD loves you very much! You are wonderfully created and special. Feed your mind w/ good stuff. If we don't watch our minds the media and our surroundings can influence us badly. And do something you truly enjoy that is beneficial to you as well. Walk or look at the beauty of nature, read sensible books, listen to good relaxing music, exercise, journal your thoughts, do whatever that can make your mind active in a good way.
Sorry to hear you are in so much pain. I am glad you are reaching out here for help. Please also talk to a counselor or mental health professional, as well. A good, confidential place to start is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/).
No other person, event or thing in our life is worth giving up our life for it. You are a worthy child of God who is loved. Believe it!
"If you have overcome your inclination and not been overcome by it, you have reason to rejoice."
Sweetgirl. You hang in there. Life ha just began for you. Maybe medical school wasn't where you are supposed to be. But right now now, you are at an awesome place to be. You can now focus on yourself and your recovery. Your sponsor loves you. Take time to love you, and all this stuff you think you are in will soon my a hopefull flower out of you.As my sponsor said, use this pain to motivate you to change. Pain is a gift, and it doesn't last for ever. Failure is not falling down, failure is falling down and not getting back up. Love ya and mean it!
Life is short. Enjoy the ride with love as your guide~I said that.
["I am empty alone and isolated. I have no real support."]
sweetgirl, welcome to the website! What you are feeling has been felt by all of us at some point. You can get through what you're feeling and dealing with right now. You must believe that!
You said you feel empty, isolated and alone. Let's start working on turning all of that around. The good thing is that all of that can be reversed, so that you eventually feel full, loved, and with a support system. Everyone here on this board is part of your support system, so you are not alone. There are also loads of books, recovery groups, recovery friends, and websites out there to help you overcome your love addiction. I'll include some links at the bottom of this post.
In regards to the emptiness you feel, it is something that many of us love addicts feel and try to fill by using other people in the place where we should have self-love. I've learned that I have to love myself. Where there was no self-love, self-esteem, self-acceptance or self-forgiveness before, I had to figure out ways to build all of that within myself, and keep trying to fill that tank every day. That was over 3 months ago and I am happy to say that I'm in a much better place now than I was then. I too felt hopeless, sad, empty and alone. I now no longer feel that way because I've come to see it was an illusion and negative self-talk on my part and something I had to move away from. I began setting goals for myself, and setting boundaries, and doing positive affirmations all day every day to remind myself of all my awesomeness. It was very hard at first and uncomfortable, but I kept at it. It has done loads in making me feel better about myself, more accepting of myself (even my faults), and more loving of myself and my life.
You have control over your life. Take back that control and don't let this disease overcome you. You can overcome it! Here's some links to help you get started:
sweetgirl, you have a lot to live for. Don't ever think you're not a treasure to this world. Despite what you're going through, you have a lot to offer and suicide is simply not the answer. We on this board are here for you, and there are resources in your community that can help as well. Look for SLAA meetings, churches, other recovery groups (ie Al-Anon), neighbors, friends, school counselors, etc you can trust and go to to talk with and help you through this hard time.
Does your school have a counselor you can speak with about your emotional thoughts and feelings right now? I'm sure the stress you are feeling is felt by many med students. Perhaps the school may also have a list of resources to help deal with the stress you're facing right now.
When I used to think I was alone in what I was going through, I came across this website and it reminds me I am definitely not alone. There are women all over the world dealing with love addiction, and many have come through it just fine:
Post by brooklynberry on Jun 8, 2011 8:06:24 GMT -8
hey there, I was suicidal too once. And I even tried. I am so glad I failed!
These feelings are temporary and will pass. I Promise you that.
You mentioned you have a sponsor - you're in recovery? She will not be mad at you. Sponsors can be honest and blunt but they do not punish or hate. Remember that. OPen up and get honest. If you're really at risk, go to the ER.
I don't know if you are religious. If you are, know that God has a plan for your life. It may not have been revealed to you yet, but it is there! You are on this Earth to fulfill this plan! You can't leave until you are done. Also, you did not give yourself life and you have right to take it back. You belong to God!
If you are a Christian, remember: Jesus is always with you, especially in difficult times. Find and read the poem "Footsteps" or let me know and I will send it to you. With Jesus you are never alone.
Buddhists believe in karma. This theory says that you have to fulfill your karma on Earth, otherwise you will come back after your death.
So, whatever your religion is, there is a plan, and your job is to follow your path. Medical profession gives your some satisfaction that you help people. People need your help. I need your help!
Stay here with us!
Hugs to you are believe me, this too shall pass....
Post by brainhealth on Jun 8, 2011 14:07:06 GMT -8
i have been suicidal a number of times over the last 30 years. I'm a tourch bearer and I am like a locust - I move from victom to victom! The sense of loss when a friendship mov es on is wrenching. But, I'm delighted I never acted on how I felt, because i have ended up very happy. The key - love yourself - boost your self esteem - time is a great healer. it aint easy, but you know what - you just joined a great support group. We all hover around your well, feeling your pain ourtselves daily - but there is life after addictive love - a wonderful life.
Decide where you want to be, then take the steps to be there. But, most important of all, believe that you can get you there.