Post by sunflwrs4evr on Feb 25, 2012 8:49:31 GMT -8
i feel pretty good....taking care of me....all morning...and getting ready for my first swim lesson....and i get a email from my xpoa....he emailed to tell me.....that he stopped his cancer treatments....and he wants me to have a great life and that we can never be a couple...because he cant love me entirely the way i want to be love...is that triggering yes alittle...i have already figured that out a long time again.... I feel sad...because no man will ever give this to me....ONly my God and myself can give this to me...so why do i feel so sad....it took me 53 years to realize this....the sadness i guess is the stubbornness and my addictions that came me holding on....I no longer hold on...i turn my will over to my higher power....and i feel good....the sadness will leave me...when its time too... I no longer want to have that shield of denial around me....Please God...comfort me... i think he is trying his best to manipulate me into calling him....i have started a NC again with him...I know he is very sick in many ways...I just dont want to be sicker anymore...I love me too much...and i worked to hard to get where i am today...and i will keep fighting harder and harder and harder if i have too...to stay clean from my addictions....and thanks for listening...This is going to get me...i will get it....i am tooo strong..i have God I have me and i have everyone in my 12 step fellowships and these boards have saved my life...thanks Sun
Post by sunflwrs4evr on Feb 25, 2012 15:35:57 GMT -8
thanks Carolyn....i am doing good.....you are right...thank God...i am doing good....hope all is well with you too....Sun I am definitely feeling better after my swim lesson....can u imagine 53 years old and learning the correct way to swim....i use to always hold my nose....she wouldnt let me do it...i had a good work out....and i let it all go....thanks for your support...For some reason the DRAMA word keeps coming up for me....and I dont want the DRAMA any longer...i am doing really reallly good...and i forgive myself for my relapse last week....Sun
Post by Loving My Life on Feb 25, 2012 16:13:22 GMT -8
Sun, iam doing good also...as long as you did not act out, i believe you handled that fine. with each slip we will get stronger, and you see how it makes you feel, and how long it takes to get settled down, it just is not worth all the drama. That is great your learning how to swim correctly at any age, who knows that might come in handy one day, not to say it is good exercise. I love to swim, just need to get me a membership somewhere soon. i need to make that a goal for myself.
One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)
Post by sunflwrs4evr on Feb 25, 2012 21:11:44 GMT -8
carolyn...no i didnt act out.....just did good things for me....I refuse to have the drama anymore....i am dont with it,...i tell u i am done with it....yes exercise that is why i am doing it...i want to get my heart rate up.....and this shall do it....i spoke to a friend today and she joined a swim place too....i wish u would consider it....we are worth it....and when i am in the water...its a whole new world of freedom....do it for yourself....and yeap thats a great goal....