controlling your immotions is made harder when your mind only stores 8 or 9 thoughts then it overloads into your subconsious but the subconsious has one main FAULT it does not recognise LIES unless it know them to be lies !!!!! so what you feed into it you believe and with cognative thinking can disterb comletely your mind .... the secret is to challenge these thoughts and they will go away you just have to prove to your self the ones that are lies that you are believing !!!
Letting go...I've learned that you can let go only when you look at the facts...once I looked at the fact, then i stopped lying to myself, then i realized that i was the one who didnt love herself better n take care of me better...if i cant be happy wth me, how can i expect anyone else to be my source of happiness?
I am processing feelings of sorrow and loss. When I look honestly at my marriage and the abandonment I have felt all throughout it, I feel really sad. I cried a lot today, but I also had a realization. I am still so utterly and thoroughly loved by God, that even the losses cannot destroy my soul. I may not have been "special" the way I wanted to be in my husband's heart, but I was always loved completely by God. I may not have been special to my dad (NOT a "daddy's girl" by any stretch") but it was a loss for him not to be able to relate to the unique little girl that I was. I grieve over what I never had as a child and I grieve what I never had as a wife so far. But I am not without hope in the world. I still feel connected to God, and nothing and noone can ever take that away from me.
I have a Sponsor and have done written work on Step 1...it's been so many years since I've even had a date...women seem to know instinctively that I am needy and looking for validation, while I honestly believe that I want a relationship...I know I'm not ready emotionally as I get obsessed and addicted so easily...I'm feeling so completely alone and hopeless no matter how many 12-Step meetings I go to...everytime I see a couple or an attractive woman I feel like crying...how any more years do I have to be alone? I pray and phone but it's little help
Post by meganm2009 on Sept 23, 2009 13:46:20 GMT -8
Hi this is Megan again. Just wanted to deal w/ my feelings in a positive way so putting them here. Just feeling intense depression. I couldn't even go to work cause my job demands cheerfulness. I might pull something. Lol I just couldn't summon it. But I'm going to hit a couple of SLAA meetings. I'm also going to bookstore to do more reading on love addiction. Anyway thank u for being here
I was reading Megan and Richard's posts. I just wanted to encourage all of us to cry, talk, listen to others, pray, ask for God's guidance, go and do "the next right thing."We have so much to offer to the world, talents we have been given by God...we can ask God for the strength and determination to live our lives in a way that brings ourselves joy and joy to others. We know we have a tendency to focus too much on relationships for our happiness and sometimes lose sight of all the other gifts in our lives.
I want to say I am in the right place. I am a newcomer but have attended SLAA meetings and have pulled my emotions from my soul and really struggling with anxiety. Abandoned from my mother at 9 and ending a 27 year marriage has really brought me to realize who I am. Staying in the present is a very tough thing to do although that's where I believe the relief is. It's hard for me to trust and I want to so bad but have not trusted really anyone since my mom left. It really comes down to liking who we are and accepting who I am. I push my will on others and I must stop that behavior because control is something that will turn away every relationship there is. I would appreciate any other words of encouragement. Thanks
Hi everyone.. I am very new to this site. I joined yesterday, so very new. I was referred to this site by my big brother - we are so alike in so many ways. The grief I feel comes from 20 years of failed relationships, I've never been married and just turned 41.. Most of the time I feel that there is something intricately wrong with my mind and heart. I suffer from major depressive disorder/generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD. I take a handful of pills everyday just to get through and this is not how I want my life to be. It seems as though I have no self-identity and I am only defined by the man I am with. I recently stopped seeing my POA and though we have financial connections I did something yesterday - not sure whether it was the right thing or not, but I shared some of my negative feelings toward him, there were a lot as he is a full blown alcoholic and he blames this breakup on me as he said I bring too much drama to his life. I sit back and try to decide whether this is true or not. But I did do one thing.. I closed my email address and told him that I didn't want any contact from him at all. I was devastated and slept most of the day yesterday. I am still trying to find my higher power, this is difficult for me, because I feel like this higher power has let me down.. and then I re-think it and mayber this higher power has saved me as I have tried suicide in the past and think of it often... the pain is just too great. I seem to have a hold on the suicide thing, mostly because I have a wonderful 19 year old daughter.. that is a story in itself... I do believe that the decision I made yesterday was a result of reading other posts and gaining some power over my life.. so I thank you all, especially that big bro of mine.
PennyP, I just stated to my POA that i've lost my self identity to the relationship and to him. i feel as you, i'm defined by this man i'm with. funniest thing is that i've never been this way before (at least i don;t think so .
I agree with you that God has saved you in those difficult times when you considered suicide. Hearing that you have a daughter is heartbreaking to me because I know that it would devastate her to lose you. I understand your pain. I do believe, even though times are really rough, that God does not put more on us than we can bear. I too, have had suicidal thoughts. I didn't believe I should continue to struggle with this thing called life. God saved me too. As I continue to read everyone's posts, it helps me to release all of the things that I have inside and it also helps me to see that I am not alone.
We have to encourage each other. Without God, we are nothing.
Let's keep posting...Hope today was better for you.
"This is the day which the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it" Psalm 118:24
Same here Richard. I have a lot in common with that post. For me moving on always meant to another lover, but like you say, I have never attracted females, or I would attract them for a first date and then it would end there.
As much as I long for love, romance, and relationships, they have never worked for me.
Sorrow shared is halved...joy and laughter shared is doubled...love shared is multiplied!
Post by not2bforgot10x on Dec 31, 2009 22:44:21 GMT -8
I am posting because tonight I voiced to my partner that I really need to be alone. I told her that ever since my father died 7 years ago (I have not grieved) I have hid behind relationships for security... (I never realized I was doing this). Truth is, I realize the pattern now... I am painfully aware of it, and cannot turn back.
I do not know if I am a love addict. It may simply be that I have unresolved grief. I have not grieved my father, and it's been 7 years... I am starting to feel massive amounts of it. I broke down tonight when I talked to my partner about leaving the relationship (We live together; breaking up would make us exclusively friends) because in so many ways now I realize that I will have to grieve the loss of my father AND all of the relationships that I have been in and lost (not peacefully).
I never knew how a loss so large could effect so much of my life... especially a loss that occurred 7 years ago. I realize that I never got over my father's death, but still... to think that all of these relationships and the grief associated with them has accumulated shocks me. I am surprised that I haven't been able to grieve any of them either. PTSD? I don't know... all I know is that since I lost my first imago (Jen) since after my father, I have not been the same person... I stopped trusting, slowly, but altogether.
I feel like in many ways now I am my own worst enemy, and I am imprisoned. I feel like I cannot get outside of myself because I cannot feel my grief... the grief comes out in spurts maybe once every month or two for but 30 minute increments. It's frustrating.
Anyway, my partner and I have decided to "sleep on it" and figure out later what to do about our relationship, but it was pretty much decided on that we will no longer be together. We both know that we need to be friends and would be much better off as friends. We never started a friendship from the beginning and should have... the thing is, (and this breaks my heart), I fear that she will not give me another chance in the future --near or far, because of the negativity that prolonged in our relationship for the time in which it did.
Early in our relationship the trust was shattered, and I never got over the hurt... I was hurt not only once, but twice, and I haven't been able to shake it since... anyway, as a result of my being hurt, my behavior changed, and I became rigid and a tight ass. To say the least, for someone so free-spirited as my partner, I think it really wore her down... There's a lot to be sorted out-through in regards to this, but that is all I know and can say for now.
I just wanted to write and share my feelings of fear and sadness in regards to the loss of this relationship and how now I am afraid that I might have to face the last 7 years of grief from MULTIPLE relationships beginning with the very first, my father... I am terrified and beyond devastated.
Post by inthemoment on Mar 28, 2010 12:13:23 GMT -8
not2bforgot - it's been awhile since you posted, but I hope you were able to find some peace with your grief. Grief is a major part of what many of us are going through - not knowing how to process it effectively, because we were trained - or trained ourselves - incorrectly.
Susan is correct in her post above. I'm also reading through On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. I think the key is not to keep running it through the spin cycle, but to pull it out and look at it with sane eyes.
Post by Rick Faith on Apr 19, 2010 13:31:06 GMT -8
Jonnys post on subconscious is great, yes we belive lies and need to reprogram...we have allowed or set ourselves up to brainwash ourselves in some sick way. Yikes!! I been in a love cult! With my own sick self!!! lol
Post by iwillsurvive on Jun 8, 2010 15:37:40 GMT -8
Recently, I have not been feeling much of anything. It's like I'm detached from my emotions. In the past, I have cried a lot in counseling and a grief group, but every time I start to cry in counseling recently, I shut off.
As a child, my mom told me I was too sensitive. I have been afraid of crying in front of others because I feel so vulnerable or that I'll be criticized.
Does anyone have ideas about how to access emotions?
iwill survive, the managing of emotions has been the hardest part for me as well. I cried so much in the last 2-3 months, I feel the same way as you now, that I can't cry anymore. It's a weird feeling, like I'm all cried out, and where do I go from here?
I've been reading a lot about handling emotions, but they all say kind of the same thing, that emotions are just "feelings" and we can switch feelings, but I don't see it right now. I can't just switch from depressed to happy - there is no way right now to do that.
I also hear things like, emotions tell you when you are "off track" with things in your life. I guess when we get through this, and we go on in our lives, we are supposed to pay attention right away to emotions before they take over our lives. Like, if you were in a new relationship or something, that VERY FIRST time you feel an emotion that feels bad, Pay Attention!
We tend to ignore that and keep going on, while the emotions keep building up inside us, until we get to this point where we just can't take anymore. I think, for the next time, we are to deal with them right at the beginning, properly, and not let it get this bad again. That might be part of healing - that awareness.
Well, that's not really helping us now, we are in terrible withdrawals, etc.....but it should help us down the road.
Today I feel insult and a rage. I feel rejected. For my former man I ran 4 years. I have made everything that he lived with me. And he ran from me all this time. I have turned to the persecutor. And I learn that after parting he has invited to itself(himself) to live the new girl. To me it is sick and it is insulting very much. For me it was inaccessible, and for another it became accessible. I think now that there can be with me something not so. That other woman could subdue it, it is better than me. Why he from me ran, and her at once has called to live??? These questions in my head finish me. Itself it is a pity to me, I hate it, I hate it. I want, that at all of them has got bad also they have left. Hatred - here my feeling and me is still unreal for today painfully. I do not understand, how to me absolutely to release it? How?? Poison thoughts that it is happy, and I - wasn't present. What to me to do? I write шаги6 I observe borders, but these feelings and don't leave. Though has passed 6 months as we didn't communicate. Help me, please!!
Post by Loving My Life on Sept 1, 2011 3:47:07 GMT -8
I believe this is where iam today...i not mad or angry anymore, i have forgiven my POA, but for some reason he keeps popping up in my head, dang i swear it is just like a brainwashing. Iam so sick of thinking what ifs? i know he is no good. but im grieving the attention i guess. im just going to hang in there, and my HP will comfort me. i guess it is the dtoxic disturbing my peace, that was what my scripture was speaking about this morning. god wants my mind peaceful.
One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)
Post by sunflwrs4evr on Sept 2, 2011 6:34:23 GMT -8
maria...for me...when i am struggling with letting go...I ask God and my angels for help and guidance....I pray on it....and i have to let it go .....either for 5 minutes or just 1 hour or just for today....but i first have to ask myself.....am i willing to do this....and then i give it to God....because it never belonged to me anyway....
Post by sunflwrs4evr on Sept 2, 2011 6:37:06 GMT -8
i am today in the process of grieving the loss of my mother...tommorrow will be a month....i went to her gravesite yesterday.....and i totally dont feel she is even there....just her body is there...and it felt very weird to even talk to her there.....i felt sick to think her body is in the ground there....and i am not sure how to process those feelings....after getting bitten up by mosquitos i left....it just seems so strange not having her here to talk to ....
Post by Healing Ku'uipo on Sept 2, 2011 19:50:55 GMT -8
I feel a ton of grief right now over the guy I like Moving Away. I don't want him to leave me. But he did. And he's not coming home to be with me. I don't think I have grieved because there was always Hope he would come back. He wanted to come back this Summer, but doesnt have the money. (That kept me in a state of hope,and the fact we are still connected) I just don't want to be without him in my life. And I keep pushing myself to let go... I think grief comes when we are ready...
Post by darkangels3251 on Dec 5, 2011 21:22:09 GMT -8
I'm extremely aggravated and frustrated, and I just got back from work, which means I'm ready to flip out any second....god how much I'm mad at the world right now....I know I sound like some antisocial psychopath, but sometimes life's unfaithfulness breeds psychopaths (not that I intend to turn myself into one, just frustrated). I KNOW for the fact that I will NEVER harm anyone, but I have been feeling about thoughts of sleeping forever and live a life of endless dreams...I don't know where this is going....but anyways this is what I'm feeling right now...angered and frustrated. Right now I feel like using words that will make me blush, but sometimes it all just boils out....I know that I'm going to take the next step....to seek therapy FAST before I go nuts! The main reason why I'm all upset and withdrawn is because I feel like I'm unloved, unwanted, a piece of trash, or a waste basket. I was working with a friend (now former friend) today, and I just realized that she is still holding against me of the conversation we had last week, which I slipped out of my tongue by calling her a "fake" person. Honestly, I don't think she is fake, but I feel like she's hiding a lot from me, and unlike other friendships, where I've deep intimacy, with her it seems like a distance..as if more like acquaintances and coworkers than real friends...I didn't mean to hurt her feelings, but I had to say what I felt...ugh......I think I'll go back to therapy and keep praying to the higher power for some help....this might be a great time
i gave a friend in recovery some of that wisdom that comes back to reverberate in my mind today. i told him it was normal to feel all the feelings that he feels about his break up and that often i have found myself thinking that if i simply "turn it over" that i should feel better and therefore i must be doing something wrong when i still am in the grief process.
i have been very emotionally back and forth. i am on my 21st day in withdrawal. i don't feel i'm fully in touch with my anger. i feel like i experience a lot of denial. and importantly i think i must remember that i am in the process of learning about this stuff and that nothing changes over night.
Post by Loving My Life on Dec 16, 2011 13:57:57 GMT -8
hrp, are you going to meetings? are you posting & sharing with us on this forum? are you journaling about what might be going on? what are you angry about? what are you in denial about? Let us know what is going on so we can guide you thru the process. We can do together, what we cant do alone. You are not alone, we are here for you. Keep coming back.
One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)