Well..I have been doing ok..my poa is not completely out of my life..but I am getting there. In the meantime...I reconnected with an old friend. We were never anything more than friends and he is 15 years older than me. At first it was nice, having someone to talk too. Then he began pressuring me to have a relationship. I have told him retpeatedly that I am not interested in a relationship. I have to get my poa out of my head first and I really want to focus on recovery. I began going to some meetings and I excercise and diet now, even church sometimes. I made a commitment to want to do positive things. He became angry and said I don't have time for him b/c I'm on a self help mission. He said some hurtful things to me and said I am demeaning to some people. I don't think this is true...but I am obsessing over it. I am a people pleaser and I don't like people to be mad at me and I don't know why it is bothering me so much?
If somebody is pressuring you after you have explained to him you are not ready...RED FLAG!! You do not owe anyone an excuse for not being ready or wanting a relationship. He sounds controlling and that is a bad sign.
.....A Journey of a thousand miles, begins with one small step....
mb123, its so great to hear that you are moving forward! One day at a time. As for your friend, try not to let what you can't control affect you. If you haven't already, you should just tell this guy that you only see him as a friend and nothing more. If he can except this, great. If he can't that is his problem! Don't let anyone or anything get in the way of your recovery! Keep it up, you sound like you are finally making it to the next level of recovery!!!!
It sounds like he's lashing out and sort of jealous/envious of the fact that your self help "kick" is interfering w/ going out with him. Instead, he should be happy you are doing something good for yourself and honor and respect that. He's being self centered. It's not your job to placate him, do not let him manipulate you into feeling bad. Like Max said, if he cannot accept what you are doing for you, that's his problem. Not yours. : )
thank you requin....I did call and message him several times at first. After he didn't respond...I went into N/C. I miss our talks...sort of...but this friendship was sort of draining after awhile. Every talk became him drilling me on why I don't want a relationship...trying to keep my new years resolutions and keep positive and keep the negative people away.
Post by Jacarandagirl on Jan 9, 2013 13:58:11 GMT -8
Hi Mb, I think that as well as communicating the truth to this man, as you have done, it's important for you to be able to get in touch with the feelings that are underneath being a people-pleaser. When you think that someone is upset by you, what are the feelings you have? Doing nothing about it to change it, when you have some time, sit by yourself and simply feel what is there inside you when you contemplate that this person is angry or just not happy with you. Let the feelings have their time, let them inform you about yourself, and then get up and do something nice for yourself.
The key to what is bothering you so much will be in there.
In my life it seems that my fear of feeling has kept so many things secret from me. I have been afraid to fall into my feelings as if they are a well of dangerous, unseen things. In a way my unconscious is like that, it is unseen, but as I become brave enough to face it, I find out that I am always being looked after by my higher power. And I don't find anything there that is really all that bad or different to anyone else. So in some moments there is even the feeling or thought that there is nothing to fear. Woah!
"You deserve better than something that may be comfortable for you but you already know doesn't work and that you'll be complaining about soon enough and hoping that something or someone else will do what you can't even do for yourself. You deserve better - you deserve change".
Excerpt from www.baggagereclaim.com
thank you Jacarandagirl...I feel like a friend abandoned me. It makes me feel awful. He has sent me some messages that he is hurt and lost all trust in me. I don't know why. We were always just friends...it is very hurtful