Post by sunflwrs4evr on Aug 14, 2013 6:26:14 GMT -8
Paisley...sounds like you are in a good place within yourself and setting boundaries when its needed....I loved how you said that
"my new goal has been to impress myself (as opposed to impressing others)".
Thats awesome and that's recovery. That is exactly where I am today as well. It's my hp and me first. I am really enjoying the time I am having with me and my inner child...This is probably since I was a very little carefree little girl that I have felt this way, its awesome to reconnect with myself.
Also when you spoke about this facebook guy having conversations during your work time, what I have found for me is when i get lonely or running away from something I need to be focusing on, I will want to chat with someone, its a temporary feel good moment for me. So I can see how other people will do the same, I am trying harder and harder to comfort myself first, however I am not totally there 100% yet. What would bother me and trigger me would someone chatting with me and giving me the impression that they want more and then stop this conversation and then come back again. That is definitely not a healthy situation. Thanks so much for sharing your hope, strength and experience. This has really given me another honest perspective on my behavior and what is and what isnt acceptable for myself and for people that I have in my life... So thanks again for sharing ....Sun
Post by loveanimals on Sept 23, 2013 21:21:36 GMT -8
I can certainly relate to this. When I was in my 20s messenger came out and I became obsessed with messaging guys I went to college with.
I went through my message list and deleted a bunch of these time wasters. Guys who lived across the country (who may even have fake photos) who showered me with attention with no hopes to ever meet. With that boredom I would find myself just wanting attention from someone, and even sharing what latest heartache from POA so some stranger across the country would listen and offer advice. It's a time waster and then you start waiting for his reply, etc and yes some people will just disappear without saying goodbye so you're left there staring at the screen waiting for a reply.
I stopped logging into Yahoo Messenger as visible so I can still chat with friends and family without some idiot constantly messaging me. Makes life much easier.
I am happy with the IOS7 upgrade, I wasn't able to block POA and his ex-gfs texts so it was maddening. Thankfully that nightmare stopped many months ago, yet it infuriated to block this gal's numbers only for them to be submitted through iMessage.
I turned off Facebook Messenger too because I have a co-worker who is after me who always messages me on there late at night, and I'm not interested in him but I feel compelled to reply because he is a co-worker. Just turning the thing off makes that so much easier
Last Edit: Sept 23, 2013 21:22:33 GMT -8 by loveanimals
Well, I just happened on here, and wow, Paisley - I am impressed. I have been feeling really depressed lately, thinking "I'll never figure out how to do this without getting triggered!" Still not sure I can or will, but it's good to see you doing it! Awesome! I am so far 6 months out of a relationship, have made a pact with myself to make it a year before I even think about it - but I notice that I am feeling very discouraged about my ability to make changes after so many many years of compulsivity. So, it was good to hear your experience and strength, cuz I needed some hope! Thanks! -Wildrose
Wow, thanks for that! You mean I could just enjoy dating men casually as long as I wanted to? Wow, that's something to think about! And when I think about it, I realize a lot of "normies" actually do that. I am working on creating a life for myself -right now starting back in to recovery for another compulsion (spending and debting) that has wrecked a lot of plans in my life, and made me think I needed to be more dependent on a man. Now I see that I must deal with the debting and get some good sobriety around that before I'm stable enough to do the dating. Then, I think I will not feel so broken, as you say, and may better navigate the waters of dating and companionship. Thanks so much for your posts and great insights, Paisley. You have touched my life in a good way. Blessings -