Post by Jacarandagirl on Dec 31, 2013 18:42:17 GMT -8
I think you're right when you say it feels like you want to control things by thinking your way all over the issue. In my experience control is a very interesting, easy to miss symptom of codependency. What would it be like if you were caught off-guard in this situation?
"You deserve better than something that may be comfortable for you but you already know doesn't work and that you'll be complaining about soon enough and hoping that something or someone else will do what you can't even do for yourself. You deserve better - you deserve change".
Excerpt from www.baggagereclaim.com
I love the self-talk and how you basically work it out in the end. And you're right. We often think we have superhuman powers. We get this false belief most likely from TV, books, and our own fantasy world. I think healthy people experience the same sense of "I need to know exactly what's going to happen." But, here's the deal…life is not fair. We cannot know everything. When you're good down to your core it doesn't mean you're worthy of an easy or better life. And just because you are doing everything right, it doesn't mean it's going to work out in your favor.
Argh! Makes me growl like a pirate.
All the more reason to mediate on living in the now and letting go. This is not something you just wake up one day and understand. It's something that takes DISCIPLINE, PATIENCE and REPETITIVE LEARNING. Try to spend a decent chunk of your day learning how to mediate.
I know you've also heard this before, but we tend to obsess more and focus on the little stuff more when we don't have big, or meaningful projects on our plate. Just think back to the one or two (or maybe more times) in your life when you couldn't be bothered by a man because something MUCH bigger was happening. Do you have times like that? I recall a couple in my past, prior to recovery. Try to get back to that. Try to create something much bigger than you so that your focus expands as opposed to contracts. In the big scheme of things, knowing what this guy will do next is almost inconsequential. This always sounds so insulting, but it was one of the most powerful of my motivators to help me get into recovery: GET A LIFE. And that wasn't to say I didn't (or you don't) have a life. It means that I had to make the life I had MEAN something MORE than the crumbs I was turning it into.