Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.
In 1968 I was kidnapped at knife point and taken to a hotel where I was raped by two men who were high on drugs.
In 1970 my husband kept me hostage and beat me every day when I asked for a divorce. I got away when he fell asleep.
I survived domestic violence with a boyfriend.
Walking to the wash house in the seventies I was cornered by a group of teenagers and gang raped.
Ten years ago I was mugged in my car and my purse stolen.
According to my partner I scream at night in my sleep. I have nightmares all the time. I am afraid of the dark. I tremble easily. If you approach me and I do not see you first I have a startle response. It embarrasses my son.
I have been in treatment and wish I could afford that therapy which uses rapid eye movement.
I am a mess, but I am a SURVIVOR and I work with others as a wounded healer.
Post by From the ashes on Jan 5, 2016 3:23:29 GMT -8
I have read the many traumatic horrifying events in your life Susan and I'm surprised your still standing, you may not feel it all the time but you have such strong inner strength to not only survive and thrive after but to be able to help other survivors to heal.
“I vow to be the best person I can be first. I vow to seek out only those who nourish who I am, and to pass by those who would undermine me. I vow that I will never place the responsibility of my own happiness in the hands of anyone else. I vow that when I find love, I won’t cling to it because I know that I am strong enough without it, and that there is always enough love in the world.”