Post by femshepftw on May 24, 2019 13:27:38 GMT -8
Hello! I am a recovery love addict. Currently in a twelve step group for Codependents and Love Addicts, and on step 8 of the 12 steps. I have been single for a bit while I go through the recovery process, and I have found that I am craving physical affection a lot. I understand that it’s the addiction driving it, but how can I steer myself to a healthy amount of physical touch? How can I stop craving romantic physical affection? I know that it is not wrong to want physical touch or comfort but I don’t receive it really from any sources... and I find myself acting out to get this and it is setting me back.
Post by RoseNadler on May 24, 2019 13:45:41 GMT -8
For some reason, I can never get enough cuddling and affection, and this has been true all my life. I’m not sure if it’s a by-product of my childhood, or addiction, or what. I’m planning to have a massage at the end of this month and see if that helps.
When we are infants we need cuddling. If we got it then we gravitate toward people who give it. But it is a want not a need. If we need not get it as infants, then we have a subconscious craving for cuddling that if not met is painful.
Everyone is different. When I was single I missed being cuddled. I used to love to go to the dentist and get my fix as he had to hold me in his arms while he worked on my mouth. LOL
Some people do not like to cuddle. Incest survivors don't. There is no normal really. Their is owning what you need and finding it and not wasting time trying to change people who don't like what we like.
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it elsewhere." Buddha
Post by femshepftw on May 24, 2019 17:12:11 GMT -8
I get massages every month but it doesn’t fill the same need for me, unfortunately. Like they feel soothing but idk if I ever think it fills the physical touch need.
Oddly enough the dentist’s hand on my face during a cleaning also made me feel “yay physical touch!” So idk what the criteria is for me mentally.
I always want cuddling as well. I recognize it as a want and it is even one of my “love languages.” Physical touch helps me to feel loved personally. This craving is the biggest hurdle for me right now before going back into dating. I feel like it would impede me from sober dating... I would be dating to fill the physical touch void. But is there even a way to fill it? Or is that something I have to work on further?
Oh my God, I understand your feelings so well! Sometimes, when I'm sad and lonely, I get nearly physical aching for cuddles Mind you, I find cuddles with men more satisfying for some reason, because I feel safe and secure then. I know that this stems from my childhood (when I was around 2 years old, my mom gave me to live with my grandmother for 3 years, so I guess that when the thirst for cuddles come from). Unfortunately, I don't have an answer here - just wanted to share my story, so maybe we can work something together.
I also started asking people, both men and women, to hug me more often. I guess some people are just more cuddly)
Last Edit: May 26, 2019 9:46:06 GMT -8 by betelgeise
I completely agree about wanting to be hugged and cuddled a lot. I decided to not date for six months and work on myself. I purchased a full body pillow that seems to help greatly during this period. Best decision I’ve made to help with this!