Post by Tryingmybest on Aug 26, 2019 6:32:57 GMT -8
For the last 15 years have been going through the same motions. I met my kid's father when I was 16. Two damaged kids that fell in love. Through time a lot has happened, every single time once things get hard he walks away.
After 5 years of not being together and him starting a new relationship and having a child with someone else. Mind you we still saw each other and had sex during the time he was with someone else. We decided to give it another try. Now, things got hard. We were going through a rough patch and what does he do. He leaves again!
I have done everything for this guy, have been by his side and every time he gets up and leaves, only to come back and I welcome him back with open arms.
I've supported him financially, always giving him money, buying him clothes and even helped with the baby that he had with someone else. I thought maybe this time it would be different, this time he would stay. Maybe go to therapy together and work this out. No, he's going to therapy alone and again he makes me feel like I'm not worth it.
He's saying he's concentrating on himself and trying to find his happiness (this isn't the first time he says this).
I have been through hell and back with him and yet he still plays the victim as if he's the one in pain. Like he has no choice.
So I sit here again broken-hearted for the 6th time in my life. Being left, feeling abandoned, doubting he ever loved me to begin with.
I want it to be the last time and determined for it to be the last time, that I allow him to come back in my life. Now, I have to deal with the fact I trusted him again and allowed this again. My kid has to go through the pain of once again going back and forth and that hurts me more than anything.
That my son has dealt with this also, all because I'm too weak to let go of him.
So here I am, trying to find a way to finally move forward, not contact him and finally get over this addiction to him. I'm a strong person, but he is my weakness. He tells me sob stories about how his life is so hard and I fall into the same routine. Constantly trying to save him and fix him. I give him all of me, take upon all his baggage, but when I make him have to commit or things get hard he leaves. I just want to finally move on from him and this feeling of not being enough. Feeling like I'm not worth sticking around with. Giving my all and falling face-first because he's had enough of me. I'm a hard person to deal with, I know this. I have a bad temper and I have high standards. I want to do better for myself and he's still the same as he was in high school. No real goals and no real future plans.
He's very lazy and I would have to do pretty everything. This would make me upset and make me blow up on him. He can't take it. He can't take the tough parts of me. He throws everything my way all his flaws and I take them every time. Anytime my flaws come out he leaves because it's too much.
Every time this happens he leaves, and I feel guilty every time. Like I made him leave because I made things to hard for him. I always feel it's my fault and always beg him to stay. It's just so much more, but trying to keep it short. He's moving out today and I'm heartbroken. Even though I know I deserve better than this, I still feel deep inside like I caused this and part of me wants him to stay.
I just hope i'm strong enough this time not to beg him and not to keep contacting him. I want to let him go for good this time.