It’s better than anxiety was in August and September.
It still sucks, though. L has been quieter than usual for about the past 24 hours. That always triggers my anxiety.
It’s fear of abandonment. When I was a kid, I learned to worry if either of my parents got quieter than usual. That usually meant I’d have an issue to deal with soon. When I was younger than that, I just remember feeling happy and safe and loved when my mother was in a good mood. But she had a problem with anxiety herself, and little kids can pick up on those feelings. When Mom got anxious, I felt anxious and scared.
Post by loveanimals on Jan 30, 2020 8:15:48 GMT -8
Anxiety is the worst feeling! I have a severe anxiety disorder.
I have that same fear of abandonment, which stems from childhood. As a result, any romantic detachment puts me in the worst state of physical anxiety (severe stomach pain, burning skin, flu-like symptoms an dizziness) which makes it hard to even function, much less work. At times I've been forced by my Dr. to only work part-time, and I've lost a job because of that.
Hang in there! One day at a time and you are improving
Post by RoseNadler on Jan 30, 2020 10:01:49 GMT -8
I think part of the problem is that Valentine’s Day is approaching. L and I have known each other 18 years, been together most of that time - but went through some trouble a few years ago (I actually moved out for about three years.)
Almost a year ago, we agreed to move back in together and try again. So far, we’re still together - we enjoy each other’s company. But there’s a guardedness on both sides. We still haven’t totally gotten back the intimacy we had before all the trouble began. Add to that, I’ve always been needy of being touched and hearing love words (that comes from my fear of abandonment.)
I’m trying really hard not to be needy and clingy. Some days it’s really hard. I don’t know how to ask for what I want and need - in ways that will have good results. So I probably keep it *too* quiet.
Anyway, V Day amplified all these feelings. I really want to be more affectionate with him than I feel like I’m allowed to be.
I already got him a V Day card, and it does say, “I love you,” but that’s all - it doesn’t go on and on or have a cheesy poem. If I can’t tell him I love him on Valentine’s Day - when *can* I say it?
Has it been almost a year for you being back with L? Doesn't seem possible. How long have you been on the board? It's coming up on a year, isn't it? Wow.
FWIW you can say "ILY" whenever the heck you want to. If you don't want to say the "ILY", then you show the love with actions. It's okay if they are not overwhelming actions, just small ones that he will appreciate.
You've come a long way since then! And now you recognize the attachment/abandonment feelings when they arise. Now, that's another WIN for you.