I have recently pretty much ruined my life and hurt my family. My husband is filing for divorce and my sig.other backed out and is staying with his wife. He wouldn't admit it to me, just quit talking to me. Leaving me with so many questions and feeling unworthy again. I have been battling suicide thoughts a lot. And actually almost did it ,left a note and now hubby has that for evidence to get the kids in court. I have always been my own worst enemy. I am feeling very hopeless.
I hear you! I've battled suicidal thoughts off and on for many years and many reasons. I've come close as well. One thing that has stopped me has been the thought of how that would affect my children. I didn't want them to think that I didn't love them enough to fight for my life to stick around for them. At times I did question whether they would be better off without me. Deep down we know that no matter how badly we think we've messed things up we would really devastate our children to mess it up permanently. I also have stopped myself by thinking of how horrible for whoever discovered my dead body. I have also stopped myself with the realization that there are no guarantees that I would succeed at killing myself and could just end up maimed and have an even bigger mess to clean up. I know life can really suck sometimes. You can make it through this. Hold on. This too shall pass!
Please don't fight those suicidal thoughts alone. Suicidal ideation is something you should not be dealing with by yourself. There is help out there - consider professional help for an issue as serious as this. Don't go it alone, ok? As grim as life can be, there is always a glimmer of hope. There are people out there to help; please know that.
Welcome. And stop that. Stop thinking that the best answer is dying. I have also battled thoughts of suicide, attempted twice.
What is so important about your husband, your sig. other, or anyone else that you would allow them to take you out of character and leave yourself believing that you should just be dead.
human beings have so many ranges of emotions. Highs, lows...we fall, we bounce back...WE are in charge of our emotions. WE either allow ourselves to fall and not get back up, or WE allow ourselves to fall, wallow in self pity, and then get back into the race.
There are a million reasons why killing yourself is not the answers. Beginning with God and your children, how awful would it be if there was indeed an afterlife that you couldnt be a part of. What type of life would your kids have mentally and emotionally if you did this. They would be scarred for eternity.
Unworthy? My friend we are ALL worthy...being alive in itself is proof of that. But what we do with our lives, the choices we make, the roads we walk...thats up to us as individuals.
Do you have the DESIRE to say enough is enough? Do you have the DESIRE to gain any inner strength you have and say I can DO THIS and I DONT NEED a man to do it with?
I think you do...I think we are born with an inner strength to help us overcome ANYTHING.
Suicide...no way friend. You are worthy. You are loved by many. And just because the deck has not always been stacked your way doesnt mean you cant win the game.
Keep posting, you will get MUCH support here. Read, talk to someone, but most importantly tell yourself that you are a strong woman with all your flaws and imperfections. You were not put here to live for anyone but yourself, and to pave the way for your kids to have it better than you did.
You can and you will get through this my friend. You are crying out for attention...and yes maybe ypou have nbeen your own worst enemy...but kep in mind you are also your own best friend.
The choice is yours, but you and your kids have a lifetime ahead of you that could be happy...but you have to be willing to pick yourself up and never look back.