Post by desertinbloom12 on May 30, 2009 23:00:46 GMT -8
I have to admit that I feel suicidal. It is hard to admit that, even on a discussion board. It crosses my mind at least once a day, sometimes several times, that I could just stop feeling this pain if I ended my life. I'm learning a lot about myself and my past that is so hard to understand. I feel angry, guilty, sad, and lonely a lot of the time. The loneliness is the hardest... I'm trying to stay away from unhealthy relationships and friendships and find myself alone way too much. I honestly don't know how to build a healthy friendship and it scares me. I'm so full of fear all the time.
I just started seeing a therapist and I go to my meetings, talk with my sponsor, work the steps. I just pray and pray that it will get better. Thanks for reading.
I have been suicidal off and on all my life. Even as a child I thought about it. Meds and positive thinking help. I go with the flow and just sit with my pain until it passes. I pray. I will pray for you.
I will pray for you too, desert. There is a whole part of you that knows you are totally complete just as you are. You get glimpses of that part occasionally, and the more you work with it, the more you will see it. Keep up the good work, and be patient!
I also have had suicidal thoughts. Its terrifying when you feel like it would be easier dead than going on with the pain. I understand your lonliness and I only hope that this site can serve as some consolation in knowing that you are actually NOT ALONE AT ALL.
Im sure so many of us have had these same thoughts but Im also sure that ALL of us can say time has slowly but surely begun or has healed our wounds.
There is so much life ahead of you friend. Go to counseling, express the way you feel, come to this site for support, attend meetings if you can, and pray to your higher power to lift this pain from your heart.
"Ask, and you shall receive"
Hang in there friend. This too shall pass, and we all want you here for when it does.
One day you will tell your story of success and how you overcame this painful period of your life.
Desertinbloom, well..., it's one thing to think about killing yourself and it's another to take the steps to actually do it. If you are seeing a counselor and going to meetings and talking to a sponsor, then you have some solutions in your pocket. If you are alone, make an effort to get out around people. Go to an Alano Club or even go to Starbucks and read the paper. Get out of your world and look at the one around you. My mother committed suicide and she missed a lot of life. I can assure you that life changes and in time you will feel better. Don't kill the wrong person, live just for today. Help someone out today. Giving to someone else make you feel good about yourself. And love yourself in someway that is special. Sad times pass and good times pass. Be in recovery because if you go back to your drug of choice, it's all going to be waiting for you when you come back to reality...I know from alcohol, drugs and now love. Who woulda thought? This weekend I cleaned my house really well in order to stop thinking about myself or about my ex. Now my house looks very nice. Try it! And keep writing.