Post by kelleyrae61 on Jun 26, 2011 16:50:59 GMT -8
I am just getting used to living alone, I do not have many close friends at all I want to do things like go to movies, zoo, museums, dinner etc., having a hard time doing things by myself makes me feel like a loser so I don't do anything. Always felt better to have someone along POA to enjoy the experience Any input on adusting to doing things alone?
Post by freetolive on Jun 26, 2011 17:51:38 GMT -8
What I've been reading, until we can get use to it and enjoy it, we aren't going to be too good for any kind of healthy relationship. So I'm reading and believing it will get better. Feeling my feelins and posting for help.
Life is short. Enjoy the ride with love as your guide~I said that.
Post by sunflwrs4evr on Jun 27, 2011 13:46:22 GMT -8
I have been adjusting on living alone since Jan of this year....first time ever....and i like it....most times....2 weeks ago...i got off of the dating sites....and i am enjoying my alone time even more....every day it gets better....I would rather be alone..then stay in a unhealthy relationship.....and now i fully understand those words....i use to say it..but i didnt mean it...i mean it now....i am dating me ...and falling in love with me....one day at a time....this too shall pass....
I'm not sure that I'll ever get to preferring to be alone doing a lot of things. Humans are made for relationship. The trick for some of us here is to relate in a healthy and positive and growing way rather than as a great, sucking black hole of need.
Preferring not to be alone all the time isn't pathological. FEARING to be alone all the time is.
Kellyrae, like you, I made myself feel like a loser when I was by myself with no company. I listened to that negative voice inside my head that said "You suck. Nobody wants to spend time with you. Look at all those couples. You'll never have that"
I am learning to tell that voice to knock it off. I am learning that it doesn't kill me to eat out or go to the park alone, or a movie alone. The first time was the hardest and once I did it, I found out I rather enjoyed it.
After all, my smart-alecky side has always quipped "Living Well Is the Best Revenge!" and really, why let my PoA somehow rob me of joy in doing things socially? That's what I was doing. In essence I was robbing myself and blaming him for not being there.
When I broke it down and looked at it honestly, it seemed pretty self-defeating to not allow myself to enjoy the same things by myself that we enjoyed as a couple. In fact I found I enjoyed it more without the stress and dysfunction that nearly always accompanied us.
I have been alone for 10 years after leaving my abusive husband. I was busy with raising my kids, seeing friends that I stopped seeing , going back to school full time. I was busy and happy. Then I met a man on line and was hooked immediately. That's when I found out i was a love addict. It was hell, the pain of the unrequited love was unbearable, and I had courage to leave. It has been over 2 years since then, and more than ever I love being on my own. I do things by myself, and there is no fear, or shame in doing it solo. I enjoy being single. Thats it. No longings any more, and the hole I used to feel has been completely filled. Someone said to me that not everyone is cut out to be in a relationship, ot have a partner. I think thats me, and i finally accept that. Like someone mentioned here, it is better being alone that in an unhealthy relationship. It works for me. gordana